So damn sad these days

 So Meat Loaf passed...

And I'm blubbering over here.. 

I'll always remember that Bat Out of Hell album cover... wandering the Wherehouse music store that was in the Westminster Mall. Scorpions..Blackout as well.

I didn't listen to Meat Loaf till I was in my 20's... discovering music just a bit more during that time. I knew who he was... Rocky Horror.. Bat Out of Hell.. but never intently went to go listen to him. Wasn't my cup of rock.. needless to say I'm a bit more seasoned.

I guess it's just one more fucking reminder that nothing lasts... I want to say everything you do matters.. if you think it matters.. so why do I think that matters..

because I have not an idea but just assumptions..

Damn you Jim!! - Total Eclipse of the Heart

This fucking song has me all sorts of fucked up.. and there's nothing really attached to it aside from a historical perspective.

So damn sad this days... and I don't necessarily want to be, but it seems I'm constantly reminded these days of the end is nigh...

Why is it I'm so damn sad.. is it loss.. it's it regret.. is it I don't want things to be this way and end and be shitty and empty and lonely and devoid of any real answers...

I never feel satisfied on answers.. why is this? what is it that causes this? 

 

I can't even watch that god damn RHPS bit of him...  Eddie!

So emotional these days... I don't want to ignore it.. and I don't want it to take over my life for the worse..  

I

(finding myself contemplating this "self" I'm so enamored with and can't seem to do better. regret.. remorse.. I am filled with 

the pain of hurt that can't be compared to the harm I've done..

any time I want to move forward I'm confronted with the self and a grim rebuke of chasing after something that I shouldn't even touch with my tainted hand..

a cold diseased touch... infectious, blackened, and withered.

 

the chaos.. that is reality...