Music and the emotional connection

 So this is just a snippet of music and the emotional connection.

This is specifically the "teen years".... songs that have way to much emotional baggage attached to them to go in full detail so I'm going to isolate this one instance..

Love Will Tear Us Apart...

I can't attach this song to one person.. it's pretty much 15. Met Chris got a better introduction to Joy Division and then any girlfriend thereafter but if I had to assign someone.. I still couldn't.. it would be a tie between Pam and Melissa... I never loved Pam as much as I did Missy. Though I think I would have come to a point that I resented Melissa if by some magical alternate reality we actually ended up together some how.. I would have 5 kids I know that much. Just 5? I wonder... seriously.. I'd like to NOT LIKE TO know... actually as I think I say nope don't tell me.. I'd get too curious and want to know a bit...

that's rabbit hole adventure I'm not ready for... but last time I checked it's not like I get a say in what I want regarding life.

Pam was very immature hormonal clueless fucktard driven... met a club.. sex was the primary driver.. it was new-ish.. but for some reason it was more trauma bonding apparently.. broken homes.. similar scenarios in mentally disturbed single parent upbringing... etc...

Missy was sweet 16 first love... dumb stupid head over heels track her down from time to time and pop in and out to say hi for a hot second to only lose track and then meet separated from wife girlfriend then not see for a bit then meet actual wife at one point then a maybe last recent stalk from last year.. but that was to just see if she was still in TO. Yeah I wouldn't think we'd be a good fit at this stage in the game and honestly wish the best for her. Last I knew she's had her fair share of bullshit and loss and triumphs... that's hers.

That hot damn those were good times.. I would have given my left testicle for her if she asked for it.. she broke me.. ruined on redheads from that point forward... her.. everything about her.. that smile.. her smell.. being in her presence.. fuck those pheromones are POTENT!!! I'm really tripping out at the moment.. because as I'm thinking back about that moment, about her specifically it was completely hormonal, but also how my memory is encoded for that is fucking blowing my mind away as I just think that my memory is emotionally triggered as I continue to dwell and linger on it expanding it's reference points, and how that if I think about my earliest memory I have no emotional attachment to it... but I do at 4.. Becky.. there's a corresponding future event in Costa Mesa that gave me a sort of flashback to Becky getting hit. Not that I saw it, I just recall it being an emotional event.

Smiths are complicated... The Cure will take a fine tooth comb review to address.. song by song.. albums..  crap..