Different Realities

 So is this a "epiphany" for me???

So I get that realities are not the same for one another person... and I just realized how true that was when I was thinking about P and I... So Sidney Poitier passed today... and knowing I've not seen a good deal of his movies I decided to watch his well known one, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.

Damn that redhead is a spoiled brat... at 23... holy crap.. I get that it's a dated piece and am very familiar with the trope and the time period. 

I was thinking about Pam and I.. and how our relationship went South... which got me to think about how we have a different reality and that is determined by our experiences... and I was trying to exercise...

So let me explain, I feel that my experiences (positive/not-positive) have shaped me to be who I am now. Do I wish it was a different way, hell yes.. and that is my question.. is the struggle necessary.

Am I denying a human experience... I'm feeling like this is a fundamental aspect of self awareness. Is a methodical, calculating way about how I approach people, even the people on the street. I have a difficult time relating to others, despite me seemingly have a bit more range on empathy... again I still feel like I'm bullshitting myself on more than any other level...

I'm reminded about fractal genes... Sapolsky

Distracted by the movie... the parents meet him, and like him. ....onions...

What is that when people talk about a historical moment, typically between two or more people... The problem I see is that when one or the other person's brings up that moment... the emotional connection is not the same necessarily, despite they were there. The details may be a bit hazy but you get a remembrance of what was... hmmm, I don't know if that's what I want. any way I'm side tracking again..

So while one may have a specific emotional connection, this good be a good connection or an indifferent connection or a painful or happy or a whole range of emotions. This can be triggered by anything that anchors that moment in time... music or tv or a pop culture marketing flashback rehash whatever... I get that there's things that are tied to our past... record stores.. coffee shops.. no cell phones.. no internet... and these things are not so now.

So while P and I may have shared a moment... the emotional importance may not be the same, how do you respond to someone who wants to use that as a litmus test or as that it's for you to know/realize how important it is for you... but how do you not discount their humanity... that it is their experience and not something to be trivialized, however I no longer hold that same sentiment. I feel there were too many fundamental changes in who we were to who we are now... to which it's not really either of our faults per se... granted I fucked up.. but I had rational reasons towards the end for leaving. I did fail you as a human. Perspective... experience... education..