If I die, I die....

 Apparently this is something Meat Loaf said fairly recently about Covid.

It was in the OC Register as a tag/click line on top trending articles or something of the sort.

I've said this phrase one too many times. It's something that at the moment I'm a bit fascinated with in this aspect of what is my mood at the moment. Do I feel and believe this? At the same time? Different moments? Yes

The other day I had a thought of self death come into mind. I don't say suicide because as of my last attempts in 2019 I "feel" as if I've gotten past this inclination or desire. Not to say it doesn't blind side me from time to time as is the case for the other day. Though when I look at these words and reflect I'm drawn into this historical perspective of myself and situations. It's always about perspective, nuance, and context.

What was the situation before, during when the thought comes to mind? What am I missing? What information is not there that could or would change this?

Now I know when the emotions are full throttle, perspective usually flies out the window let alone any recollection of historical information that could defuse or change the situation.

I'm a bit sad.. but it's getting better. I need to get my ass in gear.. but it's always a holding pattern. I need to prioritize shit... work & school & fun - tempered with being responsible and self care and exercise and.. well it's a never ending list of things.

I feel the stress in my shoulders a bit too much these days.... working on that. Working on that. working on that....

volunteering is at the forefront of my mind.. in fact running off to go volunteer seems to be something I'm looking at, but it'll be a bit. Things are just in the entry stages of research... reddit4good / volunteer

And I'd be remiss to not say that the MLK speeches I've heard as of late are very... moving. They make me take stock and address my own self... very inspiring.