Middle of changing my bed...

Today I can...

Walk
Run
Swim
Laugh
Cry
Jump
Smile
Eat
Listen
Smell
See
Feel
Breathe
Think
Reason
Awe
Improve myself


Because one day I won't.

One day I won't be able to stand up. One day I won't be able to change a bed, tie my shoes, one day I won't feel cold, or warm, or teary eyed thinking about the hundreds of things I don't even think about that I will never do again some day. My eyes will fail and have already been failing since I was about eighteen. My knees, my hips are already failing, my prostate, my back. My time is fast approaching and to pathetically emote what have I done..

holy shit.. the knowledge about one's self is fucking depressing. The sobering reality of what trash humanity is... or am I projecting?

The sacrifices made along the way??? The slavery? Segregation? Persecution? If you're not persecuted or believe you are persecuted - now this is a philosophical minefield because there are so many well.. you know mines.

For shiggles and dumb generalizations... White people. While it's a slap in the face to those who have or are currently being persecuted it is in not of a similar persecution. Let me explain...

as one who was a former conservative even having been brought up on nothing... seriously aside from my musical tastes gravitating towards anarcho-punk and rebellious attitudes I was a clueless dumb fuck who eventually embraced Christianity... Southern California Non Denominational wishy washy feel good Christian. HOLY SHIT what a fucking death cult of ambiguity. To where I'd say I'm a bit more mentally aware of who I am as a person and how our society our actual fucking society is one of the worst offenders. What we know about the world and the knowledge we have.. holy fuck this shit really beats back the depression.. I get fucking optimistic. Reeducating myself... tearing apart who I am.. recognizing myself for what I really am.... (I made a edit there.. I put humans first before changing it to myself. I for the most part believe humanity is cancer, just based on the little bit I do know about science, sociology, human history, biology, psychology... and a HEAVY DOSE of anecdotal biased input.

I feel the arrogance of humanity will doom humanity.. or at least those who can't afford it. It's all sticks and straw.. everything.

It really is....

Dr King's speech about socialism for the rich... bootstraps for the rest.. - Blueprint speech

I really am moved to action and I need to be prudently zealous about this. Not entirely single-minded but definitely in a how to I incorporate this... I have a need to prioritize this year.. goals must be a bit more focused.

I still have a sliver of hope... that's what drives me. Damn that where's there's life there's hope quote I heard/read the other day... contemplated tatts on my hands... which you know what.. why not..

disjointed stoned thoughts... even that re read seems to need more eyeliner and black lipstick.. so edgy.