Pam

So...

I've been thinking... stewing.. brooding.. contemplating.. reconciling... the past 28 fucking years...

This will take a lot more time but here's where I'm at so far..

Pam and I were the quintessential hormonally driven teens that we were. We were both ignorant and clueless about ourselves, let alone the world we lived in. We struggled with our own meaning, while raising a family, desperately trying to fuck them up like we were, only to sort of do a slightly better rehashed version of our own lives. I as of this moment have zero desire to ever get back together with Pam and these are my reasons.

Spending 20+ years at crappy jobs pretending to work when I had none, resulted in me re-evaluating my own personal education. I started somewhat at the beginning, looking at science, ancient history, modern history, Greeks, Romans, Middle East, etc.

I know my education is ongoing and will, I hope increase in frequency, along with whatever create pursuits I can produce as well.

So let me get back on track.. the reasons.

I feel that over the past 20 years we have grown apart, not that we were conversationalists to begin with. I don't think there is a whole lot I have ever confided in Pam, I definitely don't feel that she has confided in me. I have heard her reasons, but she refused to revisit them.

She feels that she doesn't need help, therapy/psychiatrist, etc.

We have nothing in common today that I am aware on a fundamental level, which I don't want in a partner. I want to be able to discuss current events or science or history or music or a number of other things.

The outdoors is one thing we probably still have in a shared interest.

I've become more aware of human behavior, physiology, biology, psychology, and I want to learn more. I know that when my knowledge is lacking, as in days past, I make erroneous judgement calls. I want to believe in more true things and less false things. Thank you M.D.

The silly notions and idealistic fantasies that we grow up with as children, and that some adults cling to with white knuckles.

The undoubtedly horrendous public education, government, social system, and overall society we live in. They are all to blame, but are they? People are only acting based on the hormonal cursors that trigger emotional states...

hmmm... free will.. lol.