How I show my feelings towards others....

So here we are..

been trying to remember this one for a bit.

So.. I've come to the realization that one of the ways I show I care about someone is the information that I share... as it's a gateway to who I am as a person.

The art..

The music..

The history..

The science..

The comedy..

The philosophy...

the little tidbits about who I am, personalized notes or comments.

It's frustrating at times to think you might be struggling with, not identity issues but finding the right word or example to express your thoughts and feelings.

The one thing I want people to be clear about is this... any information I send to is intended to go "here, this is a bit about who I am and I wanted to share it with you."

You may not agree with it, and honestly my 20-something self would have laughed to know how despite being in a death cult, reasoned himself out. I honestly can't remember when I said that the evidence was not convincing, but I do remember that a YouTube show in Austin helped with the reasoning bit. There are a number of questions one must ask to get to that point, and the road is a bit scary as it is a complete paradigm shift.. ha ha (inside joke - the shift part). So a few of the questions/thoughts are..

If what I believe is "the truth", then it would hold up to scrutiny.  The other is probably the most important one there is, Am I willing to change my opinion or belief based on evidence?

Science has come a long way since I was last in school, and honestly I'm happier now then when I was a cult zombie-votee. For me there is a Zen like peace, I'm cool with dying - mostly. Yeah I have things I want to fucking do now.. I mean seriously fucking want to do and I think if I play my cards right - waiting on a new hand at the moment... Cards are still being dealt. I have a game plan.. I'm stoked.. seriously.. I haven't been excited like this in I do not fucking know when...more than anything I have said in the past.. more than the farm crap (still would like to have something...) or the bees or whatever.. I feel a sense of calmness in a lot of areas.. I've made peace with myself to some degree.. I also realize NOW.. I fucking realized NOW (not literally today but forty something was the beginning) how fucked up reality is.. and it's philosophy that as brought me more comfort and peace than any religion with bullshit lies about fairy tales from before the written word, passed down century upon century.  And it's a journey... there is no end of the road that we can see.. and the thing is we are all walking blind as we do not know where the road ends.

But yet again... we are but a few to restrain the masses, who are still enchanted by the fireworks and sleight of hand parlor tricks of a last remnant Vaudevillian in late 1920's. Learning... that's my fix.

I have some plans... and plans on plans... and plans on plans on plans on plans...

I'm hoping I get this job.. hoping I can save $$ for a Tokyo trip... That's my first major itinerary.. If I get job, then I start learning Japanese full time..