For me it's enlightenment... Knowing that I am absolutely insignificant in this world... And I am capable of doing what I set my mind to. What I devote my efforts towards, I KNOW I can accomplish. Granted it has taken me a proverbial won to get to this place, this moment in time where I feel I can look up and will some modicum of awareness of reality, history, my privileged status in the world, humility in what I hope is a true sense of the word.
Knowing that I need others if I want to survive. Ignorance is the enemy, it is the Dark side as it is absolutely undisciplined in mind, body, and spirit.
the Dark side may pick 2 of those 3, as it lacks the humility to properly train all three.
I know this may sound juvenile, this arrogant assertion at knowing. It not arrogance, it's knowing what works for me to accomplish those tasks.. The question is, how long can my life go uninterrupted by something... It is never not drama free. Which I think is one of those unseen reasons for things being what they are. I have been writing, well maybe not in a proper sense, but I have been journaling for years.. decades now. Granted I don't have a historical archive as I would like to have. I have been writing for a while now so it would seem. Constantly being told that I have a habit of talking (pontificating) at length in occasion. I figure fuck, this is perfect!! A medium that maybe I can actually do what I want in a method that actually works for me.
I have grown.. or so I like to think, and I have had second and third confirmations on as such.. it is weird still on that transition of going to I know I can do something if I set my mind to it, getting past those bullshit expectations of the whole process took forever. Resetting my belief systems on a myriad of topics. Having to think is an exercise, it requires books and interactive social encounters to exercise those budding concepts. Thinking is change and change is effort and at times painful and at times horrific and at times joyful beyond belief. Change is a constant and you are the only one who can change yourself.
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