weed yet again

 so I was just railing in my head against the idiocy of myself and of humanity as a whole...

for if we view it as a spectrum, while we are as a species of a type there are variations within, and it's these variations across the spectrum of ideas and knowledge and history and reality, with all that it entails.

The conniving assholes are in charge and they are making money off of you before you are born... and even after you die... you're entire existence is to generate money for someone else.. that is the basis of modern society to work for the benefit of another - aka slavery. Capitalism is slavery. 4 mega corporations are in control of everything. It's sad to see how much we as a society are so afraid of the dark... afraid of change... but I have to look at my own struggles and my own triumphs and see what the evidence says...

Religion is a tool to control the ignorant masses, why else allow it's existence. A type of Enlightenment as discussed in the Enlightenment period and that of one understanding their struggle and the road they have traveled and the history of humanity and of oneself via education, reading books from Antiquity across the globe. Putting forth effort in conquering ones fears. Knowing the ambiguity of it all.. It is known as Sisyphean Enlightenment... because there is no end..

The complexity of life and of humanity in our speech and how that really is an inefficient method of communication. Not too mention the varied tongues and meaning for words and words that can't be translated and the lack of meaning for some words due to use and lack of comprehension that only comes with age?

Are words still meaningful? Why I still struggle as an adult teenager... I don't have patience. I know this, have known this and will probably struggle all my life.. I'm always waiting for the end to come. My whole time spent with other people, it's when is this going to end. Not that I have anything important to attend to, I'm jobless, renting a room, and have nothing going for me. I'm a moron. We'll at least that's how I view myself. Even if I have ideas as to why that is, it's still a struggle to do the bare minimum when I am struggling at existence and the reasons I should continue to suck in air. I'm a drama queen of my own making of my own self. I like to think I have sufficient self awareness skill, but am still amazed when I come to a new conjecture based on new info about my life. I was a latch key kid growing up behind the Orange Curtain in the late 70's.

Everything is a don't expect me to do anything unless I get paid for it... But that would be erroneous to think it's  that simple. Life is not simple.. though we as an ignorant species love to think this the case. It is a system, a cycle, a blip on a scanner.. that's one of these frustrating things I feel at the moment.

I've been an anomaly my whole life. A low end avoid pain and change type person... and very much so to this day. Though I have ideas around how and why we as a species are that way... this is not a how do I fix the world book.. That takes times.. and if I want to be honest about how I'm writing this, it's as viewed through my eyes.. my emotional experiences..

a visual diary.. pop culture... i was gonna go mail those cards... I know I'm a moron..