adhd

 confirmation bias

just putting that up there as a reminder.

Have been stumbling across a great many things regarding autism and adhd as of late that shine a light on myself and my own tribulations.

The problem is self diagnosis. Well.. somewhat, I'm sitting here thinking of the following..

How can you fix a problem, unless you identify the problem?

Though a part of me goes, is it a bug or a feature?

What's with this passive revelation shit also, where I'm not looking for information or revelation during my routine of "rinse and repeat" slackadasical behavior. Trying not to stay in the bog of depressing self deprecating swampville of self loathing. Yet I'm constantly here and I get annoyed with myself that I'm unable to get out of this predicament. 

Therapy or talking to someone seems fine and dandy, but I also feel like I'm a bit over that, well let me explain a bit more.. I'm over it in the sense that I have this inferiority/superiority complex attitude about it.

On the one hand I recognize fundamentally the need for it, but also I think I've reached this point that I just find find someone who can help me. Not saying that all the therapists in the past didn't help, it's just I don't see myself at this point in my life where I "assume" a level of understanding about myself and behaviors that other can be of benefit and yet I'm reminded of the two words above.

See? I know I'm an idiot, but yet I have this propensity towards others who I perceive to be less aware to be less than, I can't involve my time with them. I don't want answers from those who aren't capable of seeing the big picture - sorry if this sounds stuck up...

Synonyms of stuck-up (adj. snobbish)

    arrogant.
    big-headed.
    cocky.
    conceited.
    condescending.
    egotistic.
    haughty.
    high-and-mighty.

Like I said.. I'm aware. I'm not that intelligent nor am I anything special... aside from short bus special.

I've encountered some really pieces of shit humans in my lifetime, some I remember some I've forgotten. I know the how's and why's as to this spectrum of humanity is. Evolution.

The oppression that humans perpetuate upon themselves. Humanity is a cancer to this planet and nothing short of mass extinction will it end. Yet this is the reality we find ourselves in. the unrelenting cycles, seasons, day in day out repetition of small changes over time... the spectrum of life.

 

but that's my adhd brain going off on a tangent.