greendragon3444

 Inventing words to put on paper so someone can understand them.. seriously how.. How do i write the words adequately to convey the thought and emotion of me..

So there's something that just entered my mind so to speak..

the struggles of the artist.. what is it.. what are the actual struggles.. 

My wanting with my being and every fiber to understand existence.. but I see it as an illusion and we are but a program.. there is no free will.. but why do I ache.. my does my heart ache for a time that is so damn far away now. As I listen to Bauhaus... the song of songs.. from my youth none the less.

 

I'm in this time vortex at the moment.. I feel my youth and my age and my lust and wanting to be a better person.. but it seems like that is an illusion of sorts.. fuck that's the thing with drugs and counter culture... that seems to give me this ability to disassociate from this reality.. (see - dissociatives) 

holy shit i think i found the magic Russian roulette in a manner of speaking totally addled brained and what not.. 

I feel like I have reached this point in my existence as a human to really fucking question what the fuck we are doing as a species..

granted i say this knowing full well my own ignorance.. is that sufficient.. to then also add.. I rely on the information from those before me.

I'm having a fucking trip actually at this stage of my life.. I begrudgingly remain skeptical if this will pan out.. I will not get my fucking hopes up on another "oh hey look bright and shiny"...