Today went to shit...
Fuck I'm depressed. Suicidal thoughts depressed...
I hate that nothing I do seems to fucked ng change let all be matter... Again my current perspective about the situation is not good.
I hate this mental reflexive reaction to burn it all to the ground.. to end.. to quit.. to give up... I'm tired.. so fucking tired of wanting things... Things to be better...
Do I hate myself.. I think I am at that point. But right now I'm also so fucking over it and tired of it that I don't care.. I don't fucking care at this point.
I hate not being in control.. why the fuck is it always powerlessness.. why does it seem that when I try it never fucking matters...
Control... Powerlessness... They are intertwined... Why do I care.. or why do I pretend to care.. I don't want to do shit today..
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