my brain hurts... and I'm wondering what I am doing at them moment.. why am I even bothering with this right now.. this entry
low key have thoughts of ending things and I'm acting like I'm not paying attention to it..
there's a decent amount of stress going on with me now. I don't want to think more than I have to and the words I have at my disposal are rudimentary at best. No job.. no prospects.. and any options I'm reviewing at the moment I do not want.
options that I am aware of whether they are friends or family.. the (word that escapes me) novelty... that's it..
life's novelty is paper thin right now...
my disdain for myself is there ever present and never wavering.. even when I have moments where i have some semblance of positivity about myself... just a thin veneer..
over the ups and downs of reality... over the cheer leading I've looked towards to not feel this way... just soo fucking tired... and this is just a fucking broken record at this point.
whine whine whine... which my own assessments of my self don't help much..
tired of it.. tired of the rinse and repeat...
there is nothing new...
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