conversation

 so I'm trying to figure out something.. sorta figure it out or am I just wishful thinking on this.

I know Wed was an adventure and may have gotten abit.. well loopy.

So I texted the ex.. and said I wanted to have a talk, now this talk has maybe been brewing in the back of my head for quite some time. Months.. more like years. It was the culmination of thoughts.. the culmination of conversations. That is, me wanting to have a conversation with her. Why though? I really need to ask myself that now. As I step back and look at how things are.

So last night I approached the subject and asked if there was anything left to say between us and or if it was just me and or if I was just been a bit of a drama queen.. which I know I am.. Not so much drama, just an over emotional person who apparently needs to write their thoughts and feelings down. Also wanting to honestly know what people are thinking.. I have  hard time with that. Accepting people's answer, I don't know but I'm always wondering if that's really the whole story from them.

I am apparently asking a bit too much from others.. and the more I try to delve these paths of communication with others I'm usually left unsatisfied. Now here's the rub, as much as I may say I'm a moron... I have this part of me that goes, I'm not as ignorant as this person or this preconception.. and honestly it's always been there, hell even as a little kid being told your smart but you just do dumb things. I have to honestly look at who I am and for the most part thinking I'm mediocre at best. It's a bit confusing having multiple positions on a topic... yes I can do some things, but I'm not gifted as much as I would have lead myself to believe. 

but anyway.. I'm sad that I can't have a conversation with some people like I would like to. Family especially... save 1.

Which leads me to believe it's a me problem... and I don't feel well atm..