So I have these sad lonely feelings at the moment.. I think it's from the fact I miss my family... Despite the shit show that it is... I'm feeling very frustrated at the moment...
So I have these feelings.. sadness.. loneliness... Longing.. Fear..
Sadness because I don't like how things are... Things . More ambiguity... Me.. I don't like me.. is that what it is.. or just that I'm no longer the clueless self absorbed jackhole I once was... Honestly... I don't know.. I lean towards jackhole still...
I'm loneliness because we'll I'm alone... Truly alone . Not truly... But more than I like.. I hate that I want to be in a relationship but also totally afraid of another person.. fearful.. and now I don't know what is the reason... That said... Do I avoid others as a means to stay away and minimize damage from both sides... Though mainly from my fear of not wanting to hurt others.. or mostly so I don't get hurt?? I'm afraid to love? Knowing that reality is coupled with entropy... Do I use that as an excuse to avoid others...
I love/loathe the past... Here we are again.. bittersweet... I've had way to much of you as of late... Though it's been more sour vs sweet..
I feel like I'm lying to myself... Again...
This blockade... A facade ever present..
Twisting in my cortex..
Ever out of perception..
My brain is tired... How do others wrestle with Shakespeare/Socrates?
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