being able to write...

 So it feels frustrating at times... I think I finally am able to grasp this feeling.. this feeling of being on the cusp of something and feeling frustrated on not knowing how you got here or being able to express it more ... fuck.. eloquently doesn't seem like the correct one though it prolly is..

My response is probably one of the best things I've written... imo ooorrrr not crap i thought i read through that.. lazy fuck

http://www.japansubculture.com/the-amazing-japanese-wife-part-1/ 

So I'm doing a fair bit of research about Tokyo and also those who've already gone.

This is a more peripheral story..

Looking back on my years in Japan through the lens of the fucking idiot writing this story, I have to agree that all of the Japanese women that I met wanted to come to the states.  The problem was that once they got here they quit being Japanese.

 

LU

 

Sent from Mail for Windows

It's through these stories I learn what not to do.

You thinking of finding a nice Japanese jo-san for your next wife?  As I said before, once they get here they become Americanized very, very fast.  More than one GI regretted bring his shack job back.  Who wants an Americanized woman with whom you can’t communicate adequately.  In Japan it was ok, but here . . .

Yeah.. not saying it hasn't crossed my mind but reading this I also think well who's say I have to move from Japan?!? I've been doin a fair bit of reading both pros/cons and more or less, but I am resigned to being single for the time being. I honestly don't really want to get seriously involved with someone. Mostly from fear of my own doing, which I'm trying to unravel but not finding significant evidence to want to. I think I've read enough now that whether or not free will truly exists or that through effort and discipline can a person make meaningful change without being derailed by the universe?

Conscious choices.

Being alone sucks, constantly knowing about entropy and how all good things must come to an end... It's almost a choice at this point. Again fear of my own making. I'm trying to focus on doing and from what I've read it's typically lonely.  

But yeah definitely do not want an Americanized wife...Nor a servant.

Alex <alex.chavira@gmail.com>	Thu, Oct 20, 10:43 AM (1 day ago)
to Enrique
Henry	11:11 AM (1 hour ago)
to me
Alex <alex.chavira@gmail.com>	11:19 AM (55 minutes ago)
to Henry
Henry	11:56 AM (18 minutes ago)
to me
Alex <alex.chavira@gmail.com>	12:07 PM (7 minutes ago)
to Henry
Alex <alex.chavira@gmail.com>	12:08 PM (6 minutes ago)
to Henry