So I'm a bit tired.
Physically
Mentally
And reflecting on my ever changing emotional state ...
I recall feeling happy.. joyful .
Now I want it all to end again.. not of my own hand but just seeing that life definitely seems futile... Why bother... Why exist if it typically turns to shit... But is that just my reality... In that I get that one knows only what they've been exposed to... And my circumstances lead me to here... But knowing that.. it seems that is the struggle? Building something knowing it's not permanent ?!?!?
Is it the meds?? Terbinafine... That if you are reeeeeaaallllly tired it fucks with you even more so?? Seriously haven't felt this melancholic in forever... Bored out my gourd.. impatient at the situation of reality... Want to get to a different aspect.. juncture.. rhymes with puncture...
I was thinking about my present situation of not wanting to be alone... Feeling lonely as fuck... And very aware about it... Wanting to get "out there" but not wanting to bother... I hate people ... But is it just I hate that I know what I've done.. am capable of... And project that on to others...
Serially... No motivation... Feeling lazy.. and not productive which doesn't help my mood/mental state... Grin n bear it... Not 🐻..
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