Loss

 I'm trying to watch Kimetsu no Yaiba season 2, but I'm thinking about the kids.

I'm thinking about what I want to say to them, but I'm breaking down in tears attempting to write just what I was thinking about. I'm in pain because I know that pain of ignorance.. the ignorance of being human. The tears I have now are are my empathy.. they are what I've learned over the years. the emotions that drive us.. the motivations of regret.. this is the struggle I have. And with a deep breath I remember acceptance.. and that the past is and forever always the past... 

Memories are of benefit if they bring one to a better understanding of themselves, a moment of reflection for either the positive or not so positive times.

I want to tell them that loss is a huge key to understanding ones humanity. The more painful the loss the more sober one becomes of reality and of others. Yet I feel all the more hypocritical for wanting to even to discuss knowing damn full well my selfish tendencies and my history alone would damn me lifetimes over. I want to yell at them as they would yell at themselves... like any sane person does to themselves.

I want to give them hope.. why do I call it hope even though I see things not so hopeful. I say it's hope because in my opinion and the things I've read from others.. this is how I see the connections. Through history & science.

Talking about one is a bit of a misnomer and those of a quick wit should see that, while I have clearly pointed out two reference topics, they are actually just parent topics to a whole list of children subtopics that one should have an idea about. Though the premise is this...

We are born, not of any choice of our own and fighting and arguing against our existence is futile and pointless. There is not magic, there are no fairies, or dragons, aside from those in our imagination. No magic will save you, not even religious magic because that's essentially what it is.

Your are then thrown to the wolves essentially with the rest of humanity, depending on where you live on this planet has a huge importance. The knowledge and understanding you gather about who you are the world you live in and the social customs and the local history will all play a part on who are as a person. They will shape your worldview.

Conversely you will be brainwashed to a certain extent, aka conditioned. How you view others, yourself compared to others. What you accept as acceptable behavior, your familial/social education ... these things are all taught to us by age seven. We've become used to the world around us and it's technology and it's social customs to some extent (typically of age relevance).

 Then at some young age you are sent to a public school if available, otherwise you are probably helping with the work either at home or around where you live. Education is a privilege for many... even the piss poor one we get here in the US.

 

Having to see the world as a spectrum... that typically ever topic has a spectrum to it - polarizing ideas on either end of the topic. Somewhere in the middle lies the answer, and there are skills that can help you find them, there are others that can give you the answers... there are others who have struggled and wrestled with what it means to be human... the things is you have to go out and read what they wrote. You can't just read somebody's condensed version of their interpretation of it. This is fundamental for one to be able to create their own referential wide spectrum of understanding as it relates to the world around us. 

The proverbial viewing the world as a picture puzzle, and while you are given a modicum of pieces to start with through the behaviors of those you lived with, went to school with or spent and significant amount of time with. They would help to define, give pieces of the world view picture to your puzzle. 

Having enough pieces one begins to gain a sens of confidence sometimes, but I've found or at least it seems to appear that there's this serendipitous moment of fate for some, and miraculous moments for a handful.  I firmly believe that these could be replicated, given the right conditions. This would entail a fundamental shift in humanities level of education & self awareness that I don't see happening in my lifetime or the next 100. If the small percentage of historical figures that I have read about, and of those that displayed or seemed to display a level of self awareness then compared that to the rest of humanity and at the growth rate... short of a cataclysmic event, war, or other epidemic that decimates the majority of the human population. Don't see it happening... being that we are in a dystopia..

I wanted to write about loss.. about how loss was a huge catalyst for my empathy.. the handful of mental breakdowns I've had as a parent.. regarding my children. They humble us.. they reduce our ego to something manageable? 

 

I feel like I'm digressing.. and not happy with my tamales.