Learning to celebrate others successes....

 I had a Mother that talked smack about any ones success.. I say had but she may still be alive as of this post. Haven't spoken to her in 24+ years, some people are like cancer and have to be removed if you want to live.

Being the piece of shit that I am I also talked shit about other's successes, I never had an sense of support from my parents that I recall outside of I was their child they loved, but clueless in the fact of how to effectually raise a child. I get it, holy shit do I fucking get it know, having gone through my own fucking history of bullshit. I have something here... This is what I need to expand on, this here.. ooh.. what is this..

I never wanted to be a part of groups with other people I knew unless it wasn't about me, holy shit - some self revelation shit here. There were certain people I tended to gravitate towards, people broken just like me if not worse - aka assholes. So says the behavioral science does it not? Trauma bonding? Couple that with latchkey kids in a suburban landscape of 1980's So California. Kids left to there own devices, unsupervised... lol - GET OFF MY LAWN!!

I was that kid who was dumpster diving at 4, almost burned my house down at 4. All the horrible shit I did to the neighborhood I lived in, to others I sorta knew, and all of which more or less directly attributable to my parents. Granted if things had been different I also would be different, as it's our experiences that shape us. Our day to day mundane processing of events, the degree to which we pursue an understanding of this world, the degree to which we seek a well balanced world view of human history and the reality around us vs "that's just how we do it".

Practicing English composition is on my list of to do's.. in fact I need to get one started.. and it's done

I have a lot of shit to do before I leave.. or do I.. sort of somewhat.. hmmm.