So I'm coming to terms with levels of understanding, that is just when I think I have a decent grasp on something (I'm finding that I'm not nearly as well versed as I thought I was). The more I learn the more I realize we know nothing. As each person's experience on what life is is really different. That's probably one of the most frustrating things. Using words for emotions, I have to share my words with you and hope that my words affect you as they do as I'm thinking them. I want to cry right now just thinking at the frustration that I feel ... (irrational) knowing that you won't. Is that a good bad thing? (don't get me started on that phrase I just used - good bad)
Why is individuality a "good thing"? It's an accepted reality that those who stand out will either be a) dismissed/rejected and/or embraced/idolized. (I'm now questioning why I chose these examples.) My reasoning is based on animal behaviors, survival of those most adaptable to change, but these are base primal instincts/behaviors, however there is also a social component that's involved that should be included. I'm sure there's a ton of other sub specialties that should be included. My point is, If the underlying component is survival and those most adaptable to it, then wouldn't it behoove me to better myself in a capacity that allows me to better those around me. I'm using the air mask logic air. In the event of emergency an air mask will deploy from the compartments above. PLEASE PUT ON YOUR MASK FIRST BEFORE HELPING OTHERS.
But I feel guilty and ashamed and not worthy??? that's not it, I feel that there are others who would be better suited but what the fuck is this.. an epiphany at my own arrogance yet again. I hate always having this feeling of being trapped by my own ignorance (& irrationality at times aka drama queen)... that no matter what I learn or think I learn that it's still 100% bullshit.. to some extent.. not the knowledge.. me.. that I'm trapped... These words are not even really here, but for the reality I'm writing them they are.
What is the background noise.. why is silence so loud?
I want to violate my programming...
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