Melancholic but no 12 step for it

Lonely... Sad... Depressed??


Need a job...

Anxiety is trying to kick into hyperdrive.

This loneliness is almost unbearable.... Oh how we know so little of ourselves, even after years of questions.

Day 3 of diet... Still staying the course, but my emotional state has been tied to my diet for so long... This will take time. I just wonder how far I'll make it.

I don't hold myself in high regards to be able to compose myself when my brain is screaming feed me carbs!!!

Candy, sugar, ice cream, cake... Etc.

I know my cholesterol is fairly high, so with the plasma and new diet I wonder if I can get it lowered.




I'm really trying to think the situation through at the moment.

No job... Bills past due.. crap I need work. Afraid of losing my car now..

Insurance won't be paid this month.

I'm really feeling weird...

So since the failed attempts last year I've more or less stopped dwelling on trying to end my life. It's like I rewired my brain or something.

I hate this feeling... Like there's something there, this feeling of almost figuring something out but remains elusive from coming into picture.

I doubt myself on so many things... But the narcissist in me says I have it better understood than most. Life...

It almost seems like a retry.. a do over..

Like I have this knowledge and 'wisdom' that could really benefit me... If I could just get the income situation sorted.