I had to make that title... I'm not in a good spot at the moment. Mentally that is.. I get the impression that I'm making things to be bigger than they are.
With that said... I really fell like things are shit at the moment... (with a part of me knowing how irrational I can be).
This is the first I've been depressed like this in quite a while... the irrational kind of depression.
This is the I don't fell like waking up kind.. the I don't really want to take another step kind...
This is the not being able to see any light from anywhere kind...
The irrational kind that I have had way too much experience with all my life.
What is this crippling fear of life that I have... this fear that seems to over take me in so many activities... I'm having a hard time with this... even knowing of how irrational I am... there are things about this nature that still surprise me... especially how effective it is.
It seems like things will never get better... I feel trapped. What makes matter worse... is there never seems to be a "right" answer... it's always just an answer... which can't be either right or wrong.. it's just an answer because no one fucking knows.
We have an idea on things... we can measure things... but in the end it's still just a data driven answer.. there is no right or wrong in the data.
I hate being here... (this space in my head...)
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