So I've been dwelling on a topic for a bit lately... Am I done being married or is this just another one of my mental freak outs that I always would go through when I couldn't get my way.
I have to say no to the latter... I'm not that person I was in so many ways. Then again I'm still that same ol person.
Why is is different this time around?
Years... experiences... events..
We managed to get past 90% of all the BS that has occurred.. however that doesn't go without saying that people won't change over time.
Honestly I can't even think properly on this at the moment.. my head is feeling very flustered at the moment... a big haze that seems to never come into focus and the thoughts are a bit racing.
My initial thoughts as to why is not that I've changed so much... but the other person has. Though isn't this something that we take into account when we get married. Sure when it happened I was "doing the right thing"... but these ideas are antiquated beyond belief. Sad to see my own kid go through some of this at the moment.
I'm noticing a certain someone acting very codependent or I'm reading into things... I'm trying to keep my perspective not so skewed. It's rather difficult at the moment.. again.. brain.. fuzzy.. not clear at the moment.. I'm guessing I'm tired.. hence tea in the afternoon... hot tea.
Stress... uncertainty... grinding the day away. This is where I'm at.. on the surface...
Not sure.. at the moment.. I hate when I'm like this... it's annoying...
Annoyed I missed a day on my Spanish yesterday... annoyed about finances... job.. where I live... my life?
hhmmm... not sure I like that. I'm really not wanting to sound like I'm whining or complaining.. as I really don't have anything to complain about. Though why don't I? Why can't I complain and whine?
because no one cares... or more accurately... it's not going to one damn thing about it.
I only have the power to change my situation... all I know is how fucking slow it is. That's because I don't have any money... but what else is new.
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