Most of the time I forget shit... shit I think up and go hey maybe I should do this or that.
Oh well... I have a big plate of shit to do as it is.
Having come out of a 20+ year funk of existentialistic mind fuckery, I still struggle with things from time to time.
Coming to terms with that past and what to do with it.. accept it.. ignore it.. whatever it, seems to be the status quo lately.
I can't let me past deter my future... and I need to know that my feelings and emotions are chemical reactions that occur naturally..... despite if I feed them irrational bits of rotted logic or not.
Days when I feel my righteous indignation well up from the depths of hell whilst driving on the road with the rest of the peasants. My plain as day poker face of showing my feelings when I'm so not interested... this is my biggest tell of all.
I can't let my immediate feelings take over my long term goals and aspirations. It has taken so long to get to this point of contentment (more or less) in life.
The paranoid guilt that creeps up from nowhere for whatever reason. Despite the fact that I take care of what needs to be done.
Example.. the feeling of I'm always a day away from getting let go or fired from a job and the ensuing indefinite amount of time to get the next job.
It's a feeling that can run away and cause a number of issues... I know as I've gone through numerous bouts of letting them get the best of me.
Indigestion, gastritis, sleeplessness, weight loss/gain, reduced overall health are just some of the things I've had to deal with all because I let my emotions get the best of me.
Time... the one thing I wasted so much of that I can never get back.
Then again... today is the 2nd best day to plant a tree.
Music - 91x Resurrection Channel
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