songs and poetry seem to be self serving versus action or deed - not to say that action and deed could not be self serving, as they very well could be.
songs and poetry seem to come from an ego perspective... lamenting the loss or absence which the one being lamented may not feel the same way. At times poetry seems to be another version of relationship dysfunctionality... but I'm torn - as I can see that there is a craft in the smithing of the words in how one feels towards another. Pretty words for one's pretty?
Is it my inability to see something about songs and poetry? As they convey a feeling or emotion for a specific point and time... all the while as I stare at entropy...
why do I put up these logic barriers to protect myself? Because as I see currently my heart is fractured... I'm broken in the sense of never letting go of her... I hear myself saying I don't want to let go.. like a child.. a thirteen year old... why does it have this hold?
why am I wrestling with this?
when I think of those I have been emotionally involved with... there are a few that come to mind readily... but only one who always is in front.. a pedestal so to speak...
I'm trying to reason my emotions in a box... or so it seems to me. to make sense of this shadow that doesn't leave.. one that is cast by my life's experience's. It is a part of me.. but I don't want to be held hostage to it.. and that's all that it seems like my life has been for 37 years... running from one scenario to another... always thinking of her.
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