https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcNwdO9sy4w
It Doesn't Matter - Depeche Mode
This song was for her.. how many times I would think of her when I first heard this...
Trying to catalogue my life in music... the songs that brought me here to today... my youth.. my life.. the love.. the loss..
the ignorance.....
why do i feel like this... why does this hurt so.. my are my emotions so intertwined in this music...
why is nostalgia so verboten for me.. my does my heart ache so... why do i weep for what is lost..
12 - 18 sucked... it was awesome but I was a fucking moron... still am.. was but sill am.
So much overflowing emotion towards others and entwined like sinew and muscle and flesh..
Xymox is another damn band... now I fucking know why I avoid certain music... so much of it during this time frame is rife with unbridled emotion for those I was attached to... moments in time long ago and events almost forgotten if not revived again as some undead carcass residing on a shelf in my heart and mind....
is it that I am in love with the past which is not now.. it is not here.. it is not the present.. it is not in my power to change.. so why do I let it torment me so?
Why is it when i listen to these songs from my past that are so immersed in emotion, as if a layer of flesh at very bottom is being pulled from my body... my heart is burning with these reopened wound of my own choosing.. my ignorant emotions.. my ignorant self that I built these memories with.
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