True honesty is true honesty...
With this I'm talking about not bullshitting oneself... now while I will never in a bajillion years document my atrocities on any medium... sooner do a porn again...and that's not happening either...
But understanding the impact i have had on others.. my behavior.. who i was in private and public.. that piece of shit.. that's the one I'm confronting.. I think I was borderline on so many things...
I really hate myself for the things I've done to others...
I'm not happy with the current state of things... I feel out of control in some respects... once again on a collision course of uncertainty where I'll be left worse for wear once again..
I'm feeling a bit lonely.. frustrated with everything... especially X, always unpermanent job situation, always never quite being in the right place at the right time on what I think I want.. but hot damn I'll admit I've had a blursed life...
My 9 lives are about up...
my inability to stick with something... i never finish anything... I'm completely self absorbed.. and stand offish.. snob.. stuck up.. know it all.. i just have a bunch of wrong vibes or something....
I'm stressing... because what i think I need.. is this..
I don't know what I need... because I don't know what i need for him.. I'm guessing.. grasping at straws...
I'm in fantasy land.. I'm thinking that I can have a hobby business and that when i get bored with it there'll be something else for this grasshopper...
and i think I'm clever but I'm not really... even with a smirk behind this bit.. I'm trash.
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