why are we fucking made like this.. why is life such a grab bag of who knows what the fuck will happen..
I look for answers but keep coming up to dead ends.. I find no solutions.. because whatever I find seems to be some sort of polarized existence...
good character.. the things Socrates liked to talk about... I'm stuck in a fucking groove of skipping and repeating..
at this moment I want to cut off my cast arm.. because I'm done with this cast..
ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
doesn't even begin to describe my DQ moment...
The fact I know it doesn't help... I miss shit.. I miss everything I walked away from.. this is why I'm fucking having a moment... is it purely emotional reasons... is there any rationality to it?
Walking familiar roads just brings to mind the past... the past of either good or bad.. only highlighting the differences.. what's diff?
I honestly don't feel better atm... and it seems like there is nothing I can do to override my programming..
personality.. behavior.. i'm an ignorant fuck... and I feel like the more knowledge i acquire isn't helping...
I'm trash.. and my mind is not at ease.. i'm not balanced atm... I see how I overreact to everything.. I don't see the positive in shit anymore.. if i ever..
knowing about oneself is not liberating... not everything can be fixed..
being here in this state to see my son has seriously opened a can of worms that I... don't know.. I would like to sleep... permanently..
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