Who we are...

 Hmmm... I don't know where I am at the moment..

I'm questioning a number of things.. primarily the psychological notions of personal identity and those "things" that we consciously and UNCONSCIOUSLY attribute to the make up of our character and our being. What we like and don't like.. it's not as obvious as it seems or as society would dictate to one.

I gravitate on the left side of thinking.. I'm not convinced of the little I have read of anarchism (Conquest for Bread - Kropotkin - I think a modern version or interpretation needs to be done.) and the partial reading I've done on the Communist Manifesto.. granted lectures on these topics has giving me an incomplete but sufficient frame work for me, coupled with the contemporary yet pedestrian knowledge of various era's via Wikipedia and YouTube. I have a better than average knowledge of 70's - 80's pop culture, music in a post punk, alternative, heavy metal era... but it's far from complete and rather American culture specific.

I was raised in a non religious household, I'm guessing my parents intentions we're of the notion that "my brother and I will figure it out on our own". Granted they weren't pagans or atheists but disaffected Traditionalists.. aka the silent generation. I had to look that up.. interesting name. They were anything but traditional, brown meets white. I wonder what the situation was like for my parents... question has been asked.. just waiting now.

The long short... you are a product of your experiences and your own physiological chemical make up.. aka part of each of your parent's own DNA/RNA, epigenetics.

The world we learn from is what we want it to be, it really is. I wrestle with this one thing on a daily basis.. to smoke weed or not. Now I know all the "arguments" and the pro's con's of the weed question that I need to know.

Yes this is probably some sort of confirmation bias thing or it's me coming to a conclusion that I know how I am as a person stoned vs not stoned. I also know how it affects my mental health and am also aware enough these days when I feel off kilter or out of whack. I've been off meds for over a year and half and have managed my episodes to a phenomenal level. Weed helps keep me straight, or I should say on a perfect wavelength. 

Present of mind and thought, cognitive behavior therapy via philosophy... via the long way of nothing via religion.. that's another story..

I found myself saying the actual words.. in my head..

I'm attracted to what I am attracted to.. and my personal preferences are what they are.. 

Whether it's tits and a cock or a cock or tits and cunt.. I am attracted towards those who are compassionate and patient yet playful and curious and science minded.

Though changing towards an artistic approach later on in my life... I need to make this happen. I have an idea.. and they just keep growing.. like my inspiration behind it.

but anyway... definitely non binary... most likely bi.. getting turned on thinking about it.

fuck it's cold today..