The Kid

 Just finished the CC flick The Kid..

I watch old movies to help me connect to the past.. it reminds me that things weren't different at all.. the really weren't.

I love watching old films and sure I am feeling a bit more melo at the moment.. 3 double whiskey gingers will do that...

I guess I'm feeling way melo... thinking of 7-Eleven Newport Beach... High School... rehab.. M days.. 

Why does the past come so easily... why is it the first... why things that don't matter... or have any relevance to today...

I am feeling lonely...

a bit despondent... just a smidge..

wanting things to get better... but also wanting to have certain things finished...

divorce finished... start on welding.. I need to do this..

Am I testing myself enough.. am I getting comfortable again in what is and isn't...

I've had some thoughts as of late.. some interesting thoughts..

thoughts that I'm not comfortable putting down at the moment... I'm not sure if they are what they are and need confirmation...

I'm wanting something.. or at least I think I do.. 

I want a lot of things.. things I don't want to really think about at the moment I'm guessing.. they aren't front and center..

a relationship of sorts post divorce.. post covid.. 

I'm not hopeful.. I'm not optomistic.. I'm a realist.. law of averages.. what does history say.. whats the REAL data on all this shit...

I know what I want and I'm not hopeful.. though.. though.. I may find if I pursue my volunteer interests.. I need to find a viable social source.. bars are not them.. or are they?? Don't pigeon hole.. be open.. but cautious and aware.

Is that desperation?? Is that a weak ass grab on a alternative?

I like this drinking shit... tomorrow I won't....

Spreading his magic... ha ha..