Relative...

Trying not to have an emotional breakdown.

So it looks like Metallica is now in that category of verboten music, and I'm not surprised, well I am but when I look back on it I'm not... it was smack dab at the beginning of my teen years that I was introduced to them... and at Crossroads none the less...

I was raised on those first three albums... Fade to Black was my theme song way back then. Seriously.. what's with this drama.

All I hear is tick-tock... tick-tock....

I'm trying to keep everything in perspective, but too much shit is going on.

A huge delay in an order and no fucking response.

Not too mention I have a feeling I'm jumping into something I shouldn't... that's the fear talking and I know it.

Xander is foremost on my mind...

I struggle as a parent...

Do I set my standards to high? Are my expectations, that I can't even meet, realistic?

Is that something I need to look into? I expect too much... I expect people to know shit I know. And here we are again at what is and isn't "common sense".

I'm not one to dwell on things, there is too much anguish for one to contemplate ones current events and life standing at the moment.

More like lack of.

This is not helping my mental health state... and things were actually getting better.

Why am I haunted by my past so much.... Why do these phantoms have such control of my thoughts...

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So there have been a few things I want to get off my chest.. more in a "complaint to the universe" type thing...

I've become more or less a misanthrope, I really can't stand people. Then again I wonder how much of that is due to me not liking myself either.

Conversely I miss companionship and for some stupid reason think I can find someone worthwhile. That is, we are both looking for the same things.

I think I'm trying to find anything and everything to distract my brain from going off the rails..

Life is one long ass - 7 stages of grief.

I'm having a hard time with things... the depression is definitely creeping back in. I'm not a patient person... I can't wait for shit and well I can feel things are off kilter and with my brain going all the time. I'm wondering what's affecting me (emotions/memories/current state of things/etc) and where I'm at and how I'm processing things.

I have some things to keep me busy here soon enough, and a job with the Census I hope. It's more or less something that I'm banking on. There's not much else out there at the moment and well... Desperate Time.