So at age 46.. is that the reason why I no longer find joy in the things I once did.
Is it something as simple as I've out grown them?
Hmmm....
I mean I sorta want to do certain things, but I strongly get the impression. That part of this struggle that I have with myself is being able to let go of things that are familiar and habit. I have a good idea of where I would like things to go.
I have this gnawing anxiety at the moment... part of the big reason why I keep smoking.
Hmmm... doubt... how much does that affect me? So many questions...
Currently watching contemporary blues video on YouTube... specifically Kingfish.. and Eric Gales. and Samantha Fish...
to be follow up with by Charlie Pride..
I'm trying to break the cyclical bullshit that permeates in my life.
I need to start writing for the YT channel... I have some roughs already.. I need to make a schedule of S1.
1 a month? Twice? More?
Hmm... Remember... this is not a race.. I can't force shit and I can mostly plan and prepare. Which I need to do... I remember the conversations in my head telling my bitch ass to fall in line. Fuck... If I don't listen to myself than there is no hope.... as much as I would like a nindo, that's not me... (fuck).
Like right now I think I need a margarita... and some more water. Maybe just water.
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