weed

Lol .. I started this to make an anecdotal about this... Being away for 30 days being moderately sober.. but realized how through the roof my anxiety was... Having now smoked for the past few days I'm very aware at how they have dropped and my creativity juices are flowing again... My brain is super slowed at the moment.. I can get distracted but I feel like I can focus on something if I need to.. like this paragraph right now.

My belief that says this is the med I need to maintain my sanity... My creativity... My ability to focus on the writing aspect... I have an outline.. mostly.. need 2 more topics for chapters and I'll be able to get cracking.. but I'm not slacking in fleshing/note adding to those identified chapter topics... I'm gonna transfer this list to a spreadsheet and add references and topic chapter notes as I come across.. chapter format will be.. introducing the basics, the importance of knowledge and the varied ways of how it's been passed down through the ages... Introducing the other chapter topics concepts... showing the spectrum reality concepts... Evolutionary biology... History and origins of topics.. explaining the life is a garden concepts... Using many examples and varies explanations for the topics and reinforcing the topics and how they intersects... Showing how things are interconnected.. explaining in known topics, hobbies, and other shared experiences... Historical, science based, philosophy influenced, basic building blocks to have better understanding...

And this is why I like weed... I get that it's the critical moments in life that we have a tendency to learn from.. and I'm also at that point where I do need to write pretty much everything down... 

I have it mapped... This does feel like another moment.. another moment that seems to say this is the one... After all the other outlet attempts... This seems to be the one..  I've been making embryonic attempts at so many things... And been trying to figure out things about my life... Pointing to things that I know about.. and using all these easy to find references...

This is exciting actually... To be able to stay focused know...  I have a contented feel that this is the one... I can self publish this...

Understanding that the narrow indeed attempt to have certainty in our lives has to be viewed through a clear and polished lens on this reality we share. It means being honest and doing the work that is needed to do this means that we have to be willing to look at and reevaluate what we think is truth. As truth needs to be able to withstand scrutiny. Truth should be self evident. How does one know? Truth expects to be questioned. Truths demands validation.

Truth is or is not. There is no in-between... Logic 101.