anxiety stress triggers

So part of the whole mindfulness thing is attempting to get ahead of feelings and emotions that don't help create a more positive mindset.

Though i find myself wanting to say fuck it on certain days.

I feel like if there is this dichotomy of humanity it's in this... Wanting to care and not giving a shit.

There are times, even bad times where I have this resilient focus (for the moment) and want to push forward.. fuck even in my more extreme (these days) moods I feel that I should look towards a more beneficial outcome versus say my scorched earth approach... My mother.. avoid/ignore/retreat

I'm finding that when I'm suuuuuuuper tired I'm a wee bit more cranky than my grandson. Things don't go well if I remain in that state.. 

Balance

The reality of shit is we don't have the same reality...

New books.. more read

But that's a dead end (???) 

That is i firmly believe I'll never have the level of understanding that i want..  it's a pipe dream and detached from reality. Again I have this notion that too poop much of one thing creates the opportunity for polarized thinking and that leads to extremism.

Tired brain no function..