bad struggling to be good or good struggling to be bad...
and right there should tell me... that I'm out of sorts.. I know in my mind via words on paper I read, people on video saying this very same thing... good and bad are human constructs.. and there is a WHOLE lot of shit attached to that. Philosophically I know (see above) there are three things that humans cannot agree on...
Knowledge
Conduct
Governance
Sorry but after everything I've read and seen and maybe be supported by things I've read, UNKNOWINGLY confirming my beliefs. Which on one hand I embrace and it doesn't make me feel so much as of an outcast.. but I have nothing to contribute screams at the forefront of my head.
I want to cry right now and I don't know why.. and I think that's a big fucking thing hitting me at the moment.. that we really don't have a fucking clue...
The human experience... fuuuuuuuuuck
Seriously how is this not a fucking hell?!?! I'm trapped in a meat bag having to use this fucked up contrivance of a suit to perform this fucking physiological and biological tasks at periodic intervals.. why the fuck is this design something so sadistic?? Which again seems to indicate when HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW... don't you love how this keeps going around and around..
Free will... it's not free it's chaotic.. because it's developed not only genetically but also influenced from internal and external sources. Female egg.. male sperm... whatever the mother ingests or doesn't affects the baby.. genetic make up of both parents... mental factors.. environment.. etc..
So that sets the stage for how we process information and like they say.. GIGO...
but again.. it's a feature not a bug. Seriously how could it not be?
Chaos theory... I feel like I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking wrong at every turn only to find a nugget.. see previous post about it.. that completely says "others think the same" and that's where I find I'm wading into dangerous waters.. and I'm not ready.. and I know this.. so I need to prepare.. but there's a huge part of me that seems to be fighting this.. and so.. I need to work on those areas...
money #1
must get better...
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