reflection

 There's an emptiness I have that I can't seem to shake that comes from time to time.

Is it a lack of companionship? No doubt there's a chemical reaction going on. All sorts of hormones being produced.

Damn you Martha and the Muffins.

So here's a bit of what gets me going mentally... Being that we are humans of "rational thought", is it not in our best interest to seek some sort of continual change overcoming irrational behaviors in order to achieve our best possible idea of ourselves and humanity 

Or 

Because of the drivers of evolutionary biology this is just a sissyphean endeavor to attempt?

Not saying that it's an either or, there are a number of other things that could be put in place as well. 

This emptiness that comes and goes... I think I'm at a point that I need to be really productive. I'm finding I'm less motivated with the passing days and the nagging voice in my head that screams you failure. Why bother... Usually it's a whisper.. now as things seem to keep going as they are..

My stress eating has caught up.. fuck.. All that weight loss gone.. and even with a return to more regular exercise I'm still stress eating... 

I'm not sure if talking to people helps or hurts... The whole having a conversation with someoneand they bring up a subject that's been out of mind for a while.

Damn.. why... I want to cry.. I'm hurting for the fam... Mainly with all their struggles.

Feeling powerless sucks and I get the impression it's one of the biggest drivers for anxiety... Flight or fight.. life or death.

These primordial instincts... Neural impressions passed down the evolutionary chain.

That's a question....

Given what I know now would I trade it for ignorance? To be unaware of myself and the world around me... What would the difference be? 

I need to make some shit here soon...