I don't know if it was better or worse being on meds...
Meds.. it just seemed like a prolonged waiting before the next episode or wave.
Without it's just constant..
I've made piss poor attempts at suicide in the past few weeks... I get more upset at my failure..
Wake up and it's immediately back to square one of feeling like shit...
Feeling inadequate.. incomplete.. a failure.. undeserving.. the brain is running a million miles a minute repeating negative thought after negative thought.
I'm at the lowest I've ever been...
And I see no way out but death..
Yet I'm afraid...
I both do and don't want to die.
I'm on a planet with 7 billion voices screaming in silence...
I'm being drowned out... By everything.
I don't want to endure this hell any longer.
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