Delusional

Yet again I find myself on the verge of tears... from an anime.. though i don't necessarily know if it's the cause...

I enjoy the entertainment it brings... but I find myself unable to ... get past.. come to terms?

wrestling with depression... wrestling with what I think is and isn't possible.. or just resigning to my fate?

Have I surrendered?

Can I change?

I don't feel that i can... have I placed to much emphasis on the evidence of science?

I only have reality and the evidence it presents... and I know science should... report these facts.

And I know I have my own inherent biases and things I'd like to be true... and I wonder if i conflate things...

I feel that I'm in a simulation of sorts... and that there is nothing I can do to change that... in some ways.. my destiny is to be broken...  and that's what i struggle with...

I feel broken.. and this depression is inherent on a genetic level...

Which is why I want it all to end... I don't feel I have anything to drive towards.. because it's something that cannot be attained and what would be the purpose.. I'd still have depression..

I have no hope in anything...