Answers... always looking for answers

Socrates is thought to have started it all... then with Plato.. Aristotle... to the scientific revolution and to today.

We have come from living in an age of hearsay, superstition and non nonsensical explanation for the world around us.

Sadly for me it took till I was in my late 30's to start on that path. I almost want to laugh about it at times if it wasn't so maddeningly frustrating that life really is a matter of discovering for one's own self. So many catchy phrases run through my mind about being shown to the water so to speak. How no matter how much you read or know about something it will always have a different impact on you depending on where you are in your life experiences. 

How far my thoughts have changed since my 20's/30's... stuck in that irrational thought system of religion and it's inability to accurately portray reality for what it is.

Though I must say that even in my current state (just now getting back on meds) that life is what it is.

That everyone's individual experiences are unique to a point but there are so many physiological similarities that is makes being unique difficult to say the least. None of which isn't already exacerbated by the fact of how we grow as humans and the phases we all go through at the bio chemical level.

I've always wondered about why the target demographics for a lot of things (Goods/Services) are always 18 - 45 (ish). Only recently have I come to the answer that you get to a point in your life where none of that crap really matters. You become more wizened in your day to day life of what you accept and what you don't.

Currently I'm stressed beyond my usually capacity... I can feel my body getting more tired as the days go on. To that I hope things get moving and can change for the better. Granted I'm at a loss for what is going to happen should they not... let alone if they should.

This unknown... I'm intrigued and distressed at the same time. It's something that I know I need to move forward on but the unanswered and unasked questions remain.

Never the less I know that I have more answers now then I every did. I never had a single answer from religion... and I now I never will.

All I know is that why after 40 do things start to click? Is it the years of experience or just that I'm reintroducing myself to things I had forgotten? Did I forget them or do they now hold my attention that I want to devour them in one go.

I've been spending a bit of time on not doing as much as I think or would like to. I still find myself stuck in a rut... (being off meds?)

All I know is that I need to change things.. myself especially...

I find that I read/watch things about special unique people and it does inspire me... though it also makes me wonder if I'm being a bit of a weirdo, self absorbed, snowflakey?

I know I day dream a lot... and start things without finishing them... (gate cough cough)

I don't know.... I mean.. I know who I am.. (for the most part - still have a question from time to time)

but it's the other things that get to me.

Mental health is a bitch.. and having mental health issues is a bigger pain in the ass.

Logic... Reason... Critical thinking... this is the cornerstone of modern society. Too often does the human race cherry pick what is needed for the moment vs. the long term of things. C'est la vie

Yeah... need to get back on the meds and back on track. I hate being hear where I am... but then again.

I wonder about a lot of things... lately it has been me and how I deal with others, relationships, etc.

Who I talk to... who I want to talk to.. etc.

I honestly feel like I'm disconnected from everyone... like what I'm thinking is what they are thinking or are capable of thinking... I'm not going to say it's a smart thing.. that's not it.. it's an elevated thinking.. enlightened thinking..

Though I don't want to be pretentious despite that is probably how it comes across...

I've rediscovered my love of all things science... and my thirst for knowledge in all the scientific arenas is still plugging away.

I do know however that I have a number of habits I need to change... and that is going to be a slow boat to china at this time. 

I've been reflecting on my anxiety as of late and how uncharacteristic it is of me in my 20's.... nothing bugged me. Then again I was clueless about things as well....