I was thinking of what I needed to do for tomorrow. Grocery bullshit mostly, and then thought of how I did ok (maybe better than ok - I suck at positive self assessments) with this bit o'melancholia as of late...
- side note.. I've noticed I get a bit worked up around the big lotto jackpots.. I know there are a lot of biological-synaptic occurrences going on as they relate to the "anticipation of things" and despite knowing this still get a big despondent that I have to work like the rest of the prole.. FUFUFUCCCKKK
so there's that. Needless to say I had to medicate myself in multiple ways.. which I'm not really a fan of. I don't like long recovery times these days... shrooms is a day or two.. alcohol I can usually pace myself not to be belligerent drunk hungover as all hell the next day. Not to say I won't drink that night, I just know how to pace myself.. more or less. Other recreational items as they come... or are available.. not nearly as fun these days.
Weed is the current things that helps to keep me sane atm.. but again I will question this till the cows come home. I firmly believe (until proven otherwise) that there's the combo of nature and nurture, genetics & environment - but most importantly the lack of a stable structural foundation needed for ones live.
The thing is... I see the current world for what it is.. the totality of human evolution to date.. I have the big picture (is that an illusion?) from what I can tell science provides..
The WILD careless recklessness of humanity's self discovery through the ages must be domesticated, and until that happens you will not have any lasting meaningful change. Then again I also think this is a simulation of a sort.. that we are programmed to fulfill our programming.
That's the Eastern philosophy/culture influence (my guess) around destiny and fate and chance and luck. Coupled with modern science thought as well...
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/are-we-living-in-a-computer-simulation/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simulation_hypothesis
And a quick skim tells me I need to read more on this... part of me wants to go "FUCK THAT if Elon likes it!"
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