Sinead

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajXJkcy35MI

 

 

I'm trying not to let this get to me.. honestly I question the sincerity of these feelings.. this loss.. but the loss for me is not just her voice but a part of my youth... is what I am assuming on my part.

 

My late teens... this is my late teens... and that time is long gone..

 

why am I having this moment..

 

why do I have tears down my face?

 

I was 16...  well probably.. 15 when I heard Mandinka.. it was played at Helter.. why do some people want to forget that... (context - for years.. yeaaaars... of going to clubs, I would on occasion reminisce about the early years of Helter with others and would talk about how the music has/had changed... and how they would play certain songs.. Mandika.. and Games with Frontiers were the other non gothy songs played... umm.. Groove is in the Heart... Charlie Says... there were a handful or so. A certain DJ did not recall that about Mandinka... ) ((side note - why do we as humans retain these scenarios of our past?))

Sinead is Mere... this album especially... but more in a she introduced me to SO vs bf/gf attachments that were typical of the day. 

There's this emotional familiarity that kills me at the moment.... when I think of those 14 - 18 (BP days) years. Especially the 14-16 years.. god damn that time is... 

fuck.. It's difficult to pinpoint shit.. because there's this Schrodinger's aspect I feel (so objective) about it all.. that is when I try to analyze the past.. I find that I'm feeling sorry more so for my current state.. that I have not had anything worthwhile to compare to those days and that reflecting on that makes me sad.. but it's not that I'm sad for the past.. it's that I'm sad for today.. for now. As now is no where near worthwhile as it seemed back then in my ignorance and obliviousness.... 

I was just beginning to be a complete fuck up.. 

I feel you my Iranian bus top friend for a moment..... tears are always at the ready these days.