Desire

 I'm multitasking in my thoughts at the moment.

I was watching some TV, then decided to look up gardening/agriculture crap here in LA. Master Gardner program, etc... then looked for a job.. then as i'm going between that, I'm thinking about how there are those statements about some of the positions at these companies where they say you should "love this work" and I'm like, fuck that shit.. however I have to be honest and say it's because of that work I found the work I want to do. Agriculture... hobbyist.. Is that a fantasy from the silver screen? I keep coming across this idea or premise or what the fuck it is called I do not know at the moment.. an archetype?

This "mantra" of be who you want to be or if you believe it long enough it comes true.. a bit more realistic version of the positive manifestation type bullshit ideology. The will it into existence crap.

I think that you can unwittingly shape yourself in a distorted view of an overall all prototype of a re imagined person, even if you have made attempts to prevent such distortions. We are always making assumptions on imperfect data or more precisely incomplete data. Always having to make course corrections so to speak... and we don't know what we don't know, just as we can't see what we can't see.

Change is a constant, as each second passes we have moved location in the universe. Despite us sitting here and typing this out and not moving from this location. HA! That's the rub about reality, IT IS AN ILLUSION.

The ambiguity of life is a reality, as is humanity's incessant drive towards certainty to calm our anxiety about the ambiguity! Cycles, rhythms, frequencies, waves, particles, seasons, hues.... the spectrum of life.

I heard something on that podcast about binary thinking that has me going.. yeah I'm back to walking again.. fuck it's a vicious cycle.. that depression trap.. and how we as a species feed off one another on that shit...

physical aliments be damned!

Desire... I desire to be able to make enough doing minimal work that I feel rewarded in my labors... fuck hierarchical structures of no thought...