Shutinpocaplypse 2020

I trademark that name...

Maybe it's a bit to 1990's.

The Pandemic of 2020?

The Great Quarantine of 2020?



All I know is that this is one of the worst things to go through that a person could experience.

Just a taste of this, has made me appreciate humanity just a tad bit more. LGBT+. slavery...

the continued horrors man pits against himself.

We continue to do things detrimental to ourselves... all in the guise of liberty, democracy, capitalism...

its fucking insane is what it is.

People need fucking serious boundaries and a system that actually works and it works by having EVERYONE participate in it... mandatory.

Actually this post was supposed to be about how crippling my anxiety has been and how missing even one day with no weed is almost unbearable.

I hate this...  I hate having "this crutch".

Granted I enjoy most mind altering substances... but I think I'm at the end of the road for enjoying anything in a meaningful way or experience going forward.

The anxiety is annoying, as after everything I have already been through. Hell my life.. one fucking thing after another.. I have not had a peaceful fucking decade yet.

I'm not suicidal... I just would welcome death if it came.

I find myself on the verge of tears... even with weed and edibles... this is more proof of what I've been experiencing.

The self isolation
the withdrawing

I'm crying during Naruto... where Sakura is asking Naruto to get Sasuke.

seriously.. I'm fucking worn out. Now I GET THAT FUCKING MEANING...

ding.. stoner light just clicked on...

I'm emotionally worn out.

But once again.. yeah for weed, because it's really hard to claw at the walls inside your head anymore than i already do.

Coming to another crossroads...

So with Easter a week away.

I wonder how bad the flare up's going to be because morons don't understand the concept of not gathering in large groups.

Misanthrope

I hate being stuck on this planet with all these morons. Seriously I'm sooo fucking tired of humanity, we do something right every now and again and we act like it's everything.

sadly more often than not we screw it all up. 

I know right now I'm not in a good place mentally, there's this nagging feeling of "a moment" approaching. Generally these "moments" are not good events. 

I'd be remiss to not mention that death does sound good nowadays. I'm guessing this may have something to do with the pandemic and EVERYTHING going to shit for 2020.

I know who I am... I'm not a type A personality. Maybe more of type leave me the fuck alone.

I'm feeling done... this is generally not followed by great things.

So over the "rinse & repeat" aspects of life.... which seem to compromise the majority of existence.

If I had money.... would that change things?? I'm sure they would be slightly less sucky. Granted I do not believe money is the answer to everything... but it makes the suck, less suck.

I know I don't have a degree, and I have the charisma of a moldy sponge. But I'm so over this crap right now. 

I had things to do... now this shit... there's only so much one can do to "placebo the moment".

I hate this aspect of me... this relationship arsonist that is hell bent on burning it all to the ground.

Planet full of morons... Seriously why'd the dinosaurs get it easy?

Anxiously waiting

So 1 day no mota and anxiety is ramped up.

I can feel the anxiety in my stomach and it's very annoying. I'm hungry, nauseous, and angsty.

Tired as fuck as well... from the anxiety driven day.

Anxious... virus bullshit. No job and well.. things are a bit on hiatus at the moment for the whole world. What will be next?

Space aliens.... space aliens.... space aliens... please for the love of everything in existence let it be space aliens.