Sometimes it feels like I comprehend things more fully... I'm not sure if it's just an age related knowledge accumulation and experiences. or it's just being stoned.
Is there a path in knowledge that leads somewhere... or is it like all paths... neverending.
Is the destination the objective? Is there one? Does there need to be one?
My anxiety drives my actions to an extent... a life in the day..
Wake up, anxiety good morning.
Seriously contemplate any way of not getting out of bed to go to work.
Hit snooze on alarm. Was this a day it worked? How many snoozes do I have left?
Make miserable attempts at avoiding the inevitable... work from home or DRIVE IN.
6 AM - looks like home again. That's the anxiety mixed with taking full advantage of work from home option as I can. So I don't have to drive to work and deal with being in the office. Continue to be that "odd" "quiet" person whenever I am in. Or is that my anxiety thinking of how I think people view me. I avoid people as much as possible. I avoid them like the plague.. that's a bit hyperbolic. I'm testing the waters at trying to find people to attempt some sort of friendship. Sadly I'm a snobby judgemental bastard... again is that how I think people view me, I think that's really me. Though I do volunteer work, some times... donate blood, some time.... I'm at a low point for confidence... had it 3 years ago... before moving to NC... many times I sigh when waking up... here we go again. Thinking I wouldn't mind not waking up.
Shit, half the time is shitting. other half internet. Brush teeth, something sorely neglected. Shower...
Is it monday = shave, not monday = no shave. Get dressed, wear same top shirt all week long. ?? On last time pants were washed, ordered new ones. Still haven't washed old pants.
Shortly before 8AM - log on... work and fun. work is more of the daily repetition... it's always the same.. whenever I open my eyes... the pattern varies every few days but it's still the same...
The log on for fun is the same...
the same sites are visited that have been visited for over 5 years...
then again I find some new ones every now and again...
WORK... what is needed today... no meetings... ok.. fairly easy no talking to people... expected.
Day of the week... what is due.. tomorrow? Next week? Am I missing anything. I have 5 hours to kill... how do we as society endure this.. this 21st century idea of work? The idea of freedom? There are so many things that just need the right people.... and enact the right laws.... and make all engaged.
Work is repetitive.. same reports.. every day... every week... every month... Meetings are repetitive... jump through the hoops.. how dare you raise that question. back to the beginning with you.
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