And yet again...

I continue to struggle with this...

stay married or go do my own thing and live my own life on my terms..

I want to travel for a bit.. then maybe go to school in Europe for a while...

or stay married and wonder...



Married over 20+ years.. the youngest just turned 18.. just graduated high school.

We are in the midst of a move out of state to "start our lives over"... like life.. it's complicated.. We have a number of business ideas we are floating and it was to be a big move so we could pretty much start things over how we want it. The cost of living in (U.S.A. - particular expensive state) and not being able to afford it any more, plus the fact we have been talking about moving out of state since forever.

I was all for this till about a week ago... it was when I was being scolded by her again.... she accused me of leaving her high and dry or something to that affect.

Aside from the obvious that she has thought about some fucked up scenario.. I actually hadn't till then.

Unlike the other times when it would have been first on my mind.. never acted on it.. but it was there.

Now.. I can't get the idea.. the prospect of being alone... I know I'm trying to logic my way through it... and I know that that is a fallacy in and of itself...

but what about because it's what I want to do with my life... I have only one.

I'd tried to reason it away... but it pops back up...

A life unexamined is not worth living...

The Call Of the Wild... (London)

Hemingway...



The history of life isn't made by sitting around....--Me