Now I'll be forever plagued...

So I'm reflecting on my little episode from Friday night.

Korovo Black Bar you are cruel mistress. Despite only taking a corner I then proceeded to have a very intense trip that felt like I was dying.

Though now I find myself intrigued about things even more... things being life and everything in it.


So at one point I knew I was in trouble. Then I was in bed feeling like life was ending the end of the world and it all stopped or was stopping. Feeling like I was being held by invisible forces, felt like it was hell and that I would be punished at some point soon, then I stopped freaking out.. for 0.0000000001 seconds.

At some weird moment I realized things were a bit too same or something like that. It was a conspiracy and Pam was one of the "controllers" and it was some Matrixy type of scenario.

Then again how do we not know this is not just some mind fuck... and I'm being serious. We know that everything is (matter) is filled with lots of empty space (perceived). Light is energy and had mass (and yes I know I'm all over the place)... ideas that this is just one giant hologram. DNA that is in us gets passed down from generation to generation. I'm babbling and I know it.. again these are all fragments of thoughts in my head.

The one I especially found to be interesting... We are repeating everything... this is a type of hell. It explains why things are so shitty. Some how we are imprisoned in these bodies and our true memories are being repressed by some other force. We are trapped... trapped for who knows how long. We are the reborn remnants of a time and civilization long forgotten. A civilization that sent things in motion as they are now. An endless cycle of life and death.

We existed before the Big Bang... in fact the universe before was completely known and the knowledge to set things in motion as it is now. Though that was then and who know how long ago that was. Who knows where we are on the the never ending cycle.


This idea has me more perplexed than anything else at the moment. The idea that we could be going through all of this again and again. Why not... it appears we are in a closed system all in it's own. What exists beyond the universe?

This is what has me going... if we are all part of a working living system. What is the larger part of that system?

Then the crazy ideas of all that follow that... what sucks.. is I know in my "altered state" I believed that we were being controlled... especially how our mind works. It's weird... really fucking weird.

On the other hand....

I don't have anything that I can really use as evidence or proof or whatever to maybe try and repeat it... as crazy as that sounds.

I think a lot of people who have similar experiences go to look and repeat it or try to gain further understanding...

Why not? It's not like we know and that's part of the experience of living isn't.... we don't know..

haha... at one point I had become convinced that I was given the ability to change reality.. and that I was some unique individual with special abilities or what not.

It was really interesting.. the scary part of feeling like I was dying.. the part of feeling like I was immortal.. the part of feeling like I was being "one with the universe"... conversely my brain does feel fried...

I'm guessing that's due to some overload or another.

hhmmmm.... the consciencenous??