Cliche

Sorry there is no accent mark on the title word. I know there should be one, but I'm being lazy at the moment. Something that i need to check... I'm finding the little things in life bugging me.... the little things in life that I usually just ignored... or maybe I'm reading too much into shit.. I think I need to write...

My stress levels don't feel like they've changed all that much in the past few weeks and I don't like that. I've been slacking off at work... more than usual. What is this fear of accomplishing tasks... I make up some lame reason or piss poor excuse for why I shouldn't do it... isn't this one of the main aspects that I've been wanting to change.

However things have changed dramatically around in the past few months.

I almost lost a son and I sort of lost my wife...  and I know the back of my head as been throwing out lots of ideas and scenarios... which I have to entertain.. now that was a poor choice of word.. I have to explore and this is not some fucking safari to Africa explore in the comfort of your sealed bubble... this tour Africa late 1800's. Death was everywhere... figuratively and literally. Diseases, wild animals, unknown natives, and not to mention nature itself.

Maybe that's the secret to all this bullshit... a never ending list of goals to achieve. but for what? Not to be all melancholy, but I have to come to this question. I understand I have one life and that's it. I guess it's still the question(s) of how the hell did this all happen. This is based off of what I know now... Current scientific theories and other postulations that allude to the more bizarre than you can possibly imagine the working of the universe. Light.. is matter. Just think on that for a bit... that there alone should blow your mind... and if it doesn't then I suggest you dive into the pool of science. Start on just fundamentals... relearn because half of what I was taught has changed, so I can only imagine what else has.

Trepidatious curiosity...

Generally I won't post a direct link on here, usually it's a key word search item fetched from Google. This one is different... to really wrap your heads around to where I am at mentally what my thought patterns are.. here's something along those lines.

Crazy Science

Sci fi was a genre of book that i never got into. Watch a lot of it, just never read it. May need to change that.

Any who... Crazy crazy... little things that are bugging me... dipshits.. surrounded by dipshits.

Not interested in a lot of the same ol same ol bullshit that I once was... I'm not sure how to process this.. am I being a putz or is it that I just don't care for certain types of social situations anymore. I actually found myself laughing last night... the irony of being in a situation where I had a large number of people that I hung out with at one point... and now there is pretty much no one.. people change... I think I get a lot of the different situations we go through as people... I still think there is way to much bullshit that we as a society just roll over because we are told what to do. We are taught not to question authority.. despite the American Revolution... for some it would be the Civil War... which is interesting when you think about it.

Interesting in the multiverse theory kind of way and especially in a sociology aspect as well.

Whatever...  things seem really weird now..

I think I'm having an issue with how I look.. but more than likely it's the getting old shit... fuck.. 42.. ugh.. yeah.. I'm thinking that's it...