Sorry there is no accent mark on the title word. I know there should be one, but I'm being lazy at the moment. Something that i need to check... I'm finding the little things in life bugging me.... the little things in life that I usually just ignored... or maybe I'm reading too much into shit.. I think I need to write...
My stress levels don't feel like they've changed all that much in the past few weeks and I don't like that. I've been slacking off at work... more than usual. What is this fear of accomplishing tasks... I make up some lame reason or piss poor excuse for why I shouldn't do it... isn't this one of the main aspects that I've been wanting to change.
However things have changed dramatically around in the past few months.
I almost lost a son and I sort of lost my wife... and I know the back of my head as been throwing out lots of ideas and scenarios... which I have to entertain.. now that was a poor choice of word.. I have to explore and this is not some fucking safari to Africa explore in the comfort of your sealed bubble... this tour Africa late 1800's. Death was everywhere... figuratively and literally. Diseases, wild animals, unknown natives, and not to mention nature itself.
Maybe that's the secret to all this bullshit... a never ending list of goals to achieve. but for what? Not to be all melancholy, but I have to come to this question. I understand I have one life and that's it. I guess it's still the question(s) of how the hell did this all happen. This is based off of what I know now... Current scientific theories and other postulations that allude to the more bizarre than you can possibly imagine the working of the universe. Light.. is matter. Just think on that for a bit... that there alone should blow your mind... and if it doesn't then I suggest you dive into the pool of science. Start on just fundamentals... relearn because half of what I was taught has changed, so I can only imagine what else has.
Trepidatious curiosity...
Generally I won't post a direct link on here, usually it's a key word search item fetched from Google. This one is different... to really wrap your heads around to where I am at mentally what my thought patterns are.. here's something along those lines.
Crazy Science
Sci fi was a genre of book that i never got into. Watch a lot of it, just never read it. May need to change that.
Any who... Crazy crazy... little things that are bugging me... dipshits.. surrounded by dipshits.
Not interested in a lot of the same ol same ol bullshit that I once was... I'm not sure how to process this.. am I being a putz or is it that I just don't care for certain types of social situations anymore. I actually found myself laughing last night... the irony of being in a situation where I had a large number of people that I hung out with at one point... and now there is pretty much no one.. people change... I think I get a lot of the different situations we go through as people... I still think there is way to much bullshit that we as a society just roll over because we are told what to do. We are taught not to question authority.. despite the American Revolution... for some it would be the Civil War... which is interesting when you think about it.
Interesting in the multiverse theory kind of way and especially in a sociology aspect as well.
Whatever... things seem really weird now..
I think I'm having an issue with how I look.. but more than likely it's the getting old shit... fuck.. 42.. ugh.. yeah.. I'm thinking that's it...
Monday, October 26, 2015
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Random Shit : Now and Then
Not sure how I feel about the geek splooge with the news, that the internet is having with BTTF today.
This is up there with the 4th of May...
sigh..
This is up there with the 4th of May...
sigh..
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Random Shit - Manual Transmissions
Tripping on how long it's been since I had to work a clutch... miss it.
Something about the manual trans that is just soo much more satisfying in driving a vehicle.
Something about the manual trans that is just soo much more satisfying in driving a vehicle.
New Series: Random Shit
So I'll be posting things from time to time that hit me upside the head in a peculiar fashion.
For instance:
You ever Google something and think... there has to be more than this lame shit?
For instance:
You ever Google something and think... there has to be more than this lame shit?
got the time tick tick ticking in my head
Good ol' Anthrax
It really is amazing how we as people deal with things... and when we deal with things if we do at all.
Life concepts, priorities.. they affect everyone differently and hell I know that I'm usually a day late and a dollar short in a number of these things.
I'm really have a bitch of a time with... well time.
All good things must come to an end.... despite the ST:TNG last episode reference Chaucer wrote that (not knowing he wrote that but knowing it was not an original ST quote).
Life is no different... huh.. is this when that fear starts. When you come to a realization that you will die someday... and you really do not know when it is.
I'm finding I'm becoming a bit over emotional when confronted with the fact of the age of people in my life... especially my Dad. Right now I'm going to say it's really messing with my head at the moment. I'd like to spend more time, but it's not feasible right now and with the cross country moves being planned it doesn't look like it'll get any better.
Some other things to note..
Am I just surrounded by idiots... after listening to stand up comics the past few weeks it's one of the underlying thoughts I've been having lately. Then the comment I think from Chris Rock about everybody else being "C" students is what makes up the majority of people.
Carlin isn't helping either. We need him more now than ever!!
It really is amazing how we as people deal with things... and when we deal with things if we do at all.
Life concepts, priorities.. they affect everyone differently and hell I know that I'm usually a day late and a dollar short in a number of these things.
I'm really have a bitch of a time with... well time.
All good things must come to an end.... despite the ST:TNG last episode reference Chaucer wrote that (not knowing he wrote that but knowing it was not an original ST quote).
Life is no different... huh.. is this when that fear starts. When you come to a realization that you will die someday... and you really do not know when it is.
I'm finding I'm becoming a bit over emotional when confronted with the fact of the age of people in my life... especially my Dad. Right now I'm going to say it's really messing with my head at the moment. I'd like to spend more time, but it's not feasible right now and with the cross country moves being planned it doesn't look like it'll get any better.
Some other things to note..
Am I just surrounded by idiots... after listening to stand up comics the past few weeks it's one of the underlying thoughts I've been having lately. Then the comment I think from Chris Rock about everybody else being "C" students is what makes up the majority of people.
Carlin isn't helping either. We need him more now than ever!!
Sunday, October 18, 2015
How anime changed me around mentally...
I'm trying to make this as an objective piece as possible.
This piece is about the understanding how despite years of having a Negative Nancy outlook on things especially life in general through years of watching a single anime (Naruto & Naruto Shippuuden for example) can drastically changes one's self opinion about who they are and what they can actually accomplish in life.
Further I will discuss how mental constructs that people like to limit to concepts of humanity[1] things in life. Superstitions, local customs, irrespective of origin have a profound affect of what we accept as "real". Generally we are "super predisposed" to accepting day to day mundane things based mostly on our senses. We take for granted a large number of things, especially things that are generally deemed as abnormal or strange or weird. We mentally classify these things in some sort of long lost pigeon hole we usually never revisit again. Though being the strange creatures of habit that we are we have a tendency to find even more weird things about how we are once we pay attention. For example, there is documented evidence of how people and naturally occurring patterns must equate to mean something. How how we as a people love to place meaning in the day to day mundane. It's really fucking difficult to get to be on the other side of the coin... especially when you think you have actually looked at the other side only to realize that it's not the right coin to begin with.
It's a massive self reflection on who you are as a person and understanding just how insignificant you are and what all this is that I'm writing at the moment really is. I don't believe in an afterlife, or demons or gods or whatever hocus pocus you have at the moment. I have to say my little thc overload the other day has really made me see things in a whole new perspective that sees me the the whiney little bitch that I really am... and honestly have to say affects the 99% of humanity... or it could just be most civilized countries.. but then again I look at the "uncivilized" ones and think.. yeah those are some ignorant voodoo believing mother fuckers.
No thanks.
We don't have to be scared... we can sleep with the light off now. It really is fucking amazing beyond belief. Sure there is a lot of fucked up shit going on but I firmly believe if we can get past this phase of superstition and other idiotic nonsense life on Earth will fucking rock. Education is the answer.... it's been there this whole fucking time and sad to say we discount educators more than pro sports player, sad to say it should be the other way around. Though I do see some hopes... current trends in nerd/geek culture along with DIY and other types of trends seemed to have made a better impact on education as a whole. Science is more prominent now than I ever remember it being in a long time.
Back to how anime helped me change my outlook on things.
How many times have giving ourselves the answer of "I'll start tomorrow"?
How about we think about "changing" all the time, but show little progress?
How about the "now's not a good time" answer?
The best is "I can't do it!"
That last one is the biggest bullshit answer we tell, ahem, lie to ourselves about all the time. We can, we are our own worst enemy. How many times have you just heard that... go oh yeah I am and then just go on. Seriously we do that probably more than any other one. We constantly tell ourselves I can't or make up some bullshit excuse as to why we can't. Especially people who feel they are at a disadvantage or see themselves as having a disadvantage, whether or not they admit it to themselves if they are, they make the most excuses or demonstrably bullshit themselves just as much as the next person. We make excuses for who we are by our culture as well. Now we have these people going around what is acceptable culture and what isn't. It's kind of hypocritically ironic in the sad tragedy of life type scenario. Anyway.
The self examination... truly knowing who you are. This is the most difficult aspect of this whole writing. How do I say to someone else do this and this will happen to you, because you know what.. that's bullshit to. You want to know why, it's because that even though you know now what you know doesn't mean that I can import that information to another. Fuck this concept took me most of my life to understand. Seriously... you think you know shit when you get out of High School or at least bullshit your self that you do and then decide to go to college where you bullshit yourself even more that you know shit even more now.
That's funny... but the most funny part is that... really you don't know when you will understand things. Sorry for the completely ambiguous term things, it really is a cheap lazy word. Hell the more I write it seems the more I understand things better. The more I go out and exercise all of this pent up energy to learn and try and live life. Because I only have one... chance..
I've had a complete change of mindset... I am no longer who I once was. I'm no longer mad at everything (another cheap word)... it's really hard to be clear and concise on one's life experiences. I really am at a loss for words. It's just this, everything answer that I needed I have more or less found through science, anime, history, and continuing my education about living here and now on this rock we call Earth.
Now the anime part made you go HUH, didn't it... this is that "social construct" I was talking about. We as a people have a tendency to dismiss the weird or strange.. things that we can't fit into our way of thinking. It's like someone speaking a foreign language to you. You hear it, can't process it so you do one of two things... dismiss it in to the recycle bin in your head or put it in your "what is this" folder. Now most of us have a shit ton of crap in out mental recycle bin, however the "what is this" folder is weird. It is not like the recycle bin where you can just keep throwing things in, the "what is this" folder has a limited amount of space and not everyone has the same folder size or capacity. Some may have a large folder because they have a higher propensity to examine things that ate weird or strange and conversely those with little to no interests in such things may not have one at all or one that's so small they rarely entertain these things at all.
I guess in a sense another good analogy would be how or why people believe certain things. People who actually believe in supernatural events. This is equivalent to those who believed blowing smoke up your ass would help a deceased person. Weather and all its events were believed to be controlled by the heavens.
Now with anime it was something I wasn't expecting or something that I had sought out to actually have an impact on me. I grew up with anime and it was something that I still find interest in to this day.
I missed the DBZ era I was newly getting caught up in the bullshit of the world and other mundane things. I had dropped anime probably after seeing Akira or Ghost in the Shell. Back then interests cost money and anime and manga were not cheap.
Now with the internet I can watch or catch up on so many at once. Needless to say my preliminary interests in Japanese culture spilled over on to my kids, who in turn show more interest with the readily available content. That's when I got into Naruto. It was about 2 or 3 years after the anime series started here in the US. The manga and anime in Japan had been going on for a while now.
At first I was into it primarily because of the kids, but then I started to see the main storyline as being of interest so I kept watching. One thing to note, it was during this time that while we initially started out watching it dubbed, we switched to subbed mainly because we've grown accustomed to the dialog, despite being in Japanese, still made the story and scenes flow better. We prefer it and generally don't watch anything unless we have that option on, even all other foreign films we watch with subtitles.
The main story is about an outcast looking to make his mark on the world, to become the leader (Hokage) of his village and have everyone acknowledge him.
Sure it's a MANGA adapted anime, the story is pretty much the same. I guess the American equivalent would be I was inspired from read and watching Batman cartoons and comics to become someone better.
Stop wishing and start doing.... Here's the key... do not set an and date or a goal date... set up checkpoints.
Find out where you are as you go. Write details about your experiences for the day and what you did do.. do not write what you didn't do.
DO NOT EXPECT TO BE CHANGED OVERNIGHT or even in 30 days or 90 days or 30000 days...
This is a change in those patterns and social constructs... However that isn't to say dates and deadlines are not important... we are just going to not put that focus or emphasis on you.
The underlying foundation of anime's is this... over time and steady effort, you can change. Now this is the second most important part... you do not have special powers and or abilities as depicted in most manga and or anime. Regardless of what you heard yourself day during your THC acid trip.
It's a slow and steady wins the race type thing... it's an over time type thing... though there are ways to help and improve how you get to that point and time.
I saw over the years of watching this kid fight against the world to be something and despite the silliness of it being a manga/anime I've come to find renewed passion or a passion that i never had that maybe others did and I'd like to think that this series had a large part with that.
Being yourself, knowing yourself, & making life the best that you can for yourself.
[1] Concepts of Humanity - Why do we have these social concepts in life, such as what is acceptable and what isn't (For further research - Laws, Ethics & Morals; Hammurabi's Law; Laws & Customs of Ancient Cultures - Google or visit wikipedia for further information on these topics). Over thousands of years what has become the norm or societal standard or accepted behavior has not always been. Just recently homosexuals and trans people have been allowed to express themselves in probably one of the most open times ever in recorded history. Well at least here in the United States, Russian isn't so forgiving at the moment. While this is an example of equal civil rights for all there will have to be a transition period before it is universally accepted. Hell it's still not 100% accepted in the States, just a majority see the obvious versus the myopic fear mongers beholden to ancient superstitions.
This piece is about the understanding how despite years of having a Negative Nancy outlook on things especially life in general through years of watching a single anime (Naruto & Naruto Shippuuden for example) can drastically changes one's self opinion about who they are and what they can actually accomplish in life.
Further I will discuss how mental constructs that people like to limit to concepts of humanity[1] things in life. Superstitions, local customs, irrespective of origin have a profound affect of what we accept as "real". Generally we are "super predisposed" to accepting day to day mundane things based mostly on our senses. We take for granted a large number of things, especially things that are generally deemed as abnormal or strange or weird. We mentally classify these things in some sort of long lost pigeon hole we usually never revisit again. Though being the strange creatures of habit that we are we have a tendency to find even more weird things about how we are once we pay attention. For example, there is documented evidence of how people and naturally occurring patterns must equate to mean something. How how we as a people love to place meaning in the day to day mundane. It's really fucking difficult to get to be on the other side of the coin... especially when you think you have actually looked at the other side only to realize that it's not the right coin to begin with.
It's a massive self reflection on who you are as a person and understanding just how insignificant you are and what all this is that I'm writing at the moment really is. I don't believe in an afterlife, or demons or gods or whatever hocus pocus you have at the moment. I have to say my little thc overload the other day has really made me see things in a whole new perspective that sees me the the whiney little bitch that I really am... and honestly have to say affects the 99% of humanity... or it could just be most civilized countries.. but then again I look at the "uncivilized" ones and think.. yeah those are some ignorant voodoo believing mother fuckers.
No thanks.
We don't have to be scared... we can sleep with the light off now. It really is fucking amazing beyond belief. Sure there is a lot of fucked up shit going on but I firmly believe if we can get past this phase of superstition and other idiotic nonsense life on Earth will fucking rock. Education is the answer.... it's been there this whole fucking time and sad to say we discount educators more than pro sports player, sad to say it should be the other way around. Though I do see some hopes... current trends in nerd/geek culture along with DIY and other types of trends seemed to have made a better impact on education as a whole. Science is more prominent now than I ever remember it being in a long time.
Back to how anime helped me change my outlook on things.
How many times have giving ourselves the answer of "I'll start tomorrow"?
How about we think about "changing" all the time, but show little progress?
How about the "now's not a good time" answer?
The best is "I can't do it!"
That last one is the biggest bullshit answer we tell, ahem, lie to ourselves about all the time. We can, we are our own worst enemy. How many times have you just heard that... go oh yeah I am and then just go on. Seriously we do that probably more than any other one. We constantly tell ourselves I can't or make up some bullshit excuse as to why we can't. Especially people who feel they are at a disadvantage or see themselves as having a disadvantage, whether or not they admit it to themselves if they are, they make the most excuses or demonstrably bullshit themselves just as much as the next person. We make excuses for who we are by our culture as well. Now we have these people going around what is acceptable culture and what isn't. It's kind of hypocritically ironic in the sad tragedy of life type scenario. Anyway.
The self examination... truly knowing who you are. This is the most difficult aspect of this whole writing. How do I say to someone else do this and this will happen to you, because you know what.. that's bullshit to. You want to know why, it's because that even though you know now what you know doesn't mean that I can import that information to another. Fuck this concept took me most of my life to understand. Seriously... you think you know shit when you get out of High School or at least bullshit your self that you do and then decide to go to college where you bullshit yourself even more that you know shit even more now.
That's funny... but the most funny part is that... really you don't know when you will understand things. Sorry for the completely ambiguous term things, it really is a cheap lazy word. Hell the more I write it seems the more I understand things better. The more I go out and exercise all of this pent up energy to learn and try and live life. Because I only have one... chance..
I've had a complete change of mindset... I am no longer who I once was. I'm no longer mad at everything (another cheap word)... it's really hard to be clear and concise on one's life experiences. I really am at a loss for words. It's just this, everything answer that I needed I have more or less found through science, anime, history, and continuing my education about living here and now on this rock we call Earth.
Now the anime part made you go HUH, didn't it... this is that "social construct" I was talking about. We as a people have a tendency to dismiss the weird or strange.. things that we can't fit into our way of thinking. It's like someone speaking a foreign language to you. You hear it, can't process it so you do one of two things... dismiss it in to the recycle bin in your head or put it in your "what is this" folder. Now most of us have a shit ton of crap in out mental recycle bin, however the "what is this" folder is weird. It is not like the recycle bin where you can just keep throwing things in, the "what is this" folder has a limited amount of space and not everyone has the same folder size or capacity. Some may have a large folder because they have a higher propensity to examine things that ate weird or strange and conversely those with little to no interests in such things may not have one at all or one that's so small they rarely entertain these things at all.
I guess in a sense another good analogy would be how or why people believe certain things. People who actually believe in supernatural events. This is equivalent to those who believed blowing smoke up your ass would help a deceased person. Weather and all its events were believed to be controlled by the heavens.
Now with anime it was something I wasn't expecting or something that I had sought out to actually have an impact on me. I grew up with anime and it was something that I still find interest in to this day.
I missed the DBZ era I was newly getting caught up in the bullshit of the world and other mundane things. I had dropped anime probably after seeing Akira or Ghost in the Shell. Back then interests cost money and anime and manga were not cheap.
Now with the internet I can watch or catch up on so many at once. Needless to say my preliminary interests in Japanese culture spilled over on to my kids, who in turn show more interest with the readily available content. That's when I got into Naruto. It was about 2 or 3 years after the anime series started here in the US. The manga and anime in Japan had been going on for a while now.
At first I was into it primarily because of the kids, but then I started to see the main storyline as being of interest so I kept watching. One thing to note, it was during this time that while we initially started out watching it dubbed, we switched to subbed mainly because we've grown accustomed to the dialog, despite being in Japanese, still made the story and scenes flow better. We prefer it and generally don't watch anything unless we have that option on, even all other foreign films we watch with subtitles.
The main story is about an outcast looking to make his mark on the world, to become the leader (Hokage) of his village and have everyone acknowledge him.
Sure it's a MANGA adapted anime, the story is pretty much the same. I guess the American equivalent would be I was inspired from read and watching Batman cartoons and comics to become someone better.
Stop wishing and start doing.... Here's the key... do not set an and date or a goal date... set up checkpoints.
Find out where you are as you go. Write details about your experiences for the day and what you did do.. do not write what you didn't do.
DO NOT EXPECT TO BE CHANGED OVERNIGHT or even in 30 days or 90 days or 30000 days...
This is a change in those patterns and social constructs... However that isn't to say dates and deadlines are not important... we are just going to not put that focus or emphasis on you.
The underlying foundation of anime's is this... over time and steady effort, you can change. Now this is the second most important part... you do not have special powers and or abilities as depicted in most manga and or anime. Regardless of what you heard yourself day during your THC acid trip.
It's a slow and steady wins the race type thing... it's an over time type thing... though there are ways to help and improve how you get to that point and time.
I saw over the years of watching this kid fight against the world to be something and despite the silliness of it being a manga/anime I've come to find renewed passion or a passion that i never had that maybe others did and I'd like to think that this series had a large part with that.
Being yourself, knowing yourself, & making life the best that you can for yourself.
[1] Concepts of Humanity - Why do we have these social concepts in life, such as what is acceptable and what isn't (For further research - Laws, Ethics & Morals; Hammurabi's Law; Laws & Customs of Ancient Cultures - Google or visit wikipedia for further information on these topics). Over thousands of years what has become the norm or societal standard or accepted behavior has not always been. Just recently homosexuals and trans people have been allowed to express themselves in probably one of the most open times ever in recorded history. Well at least here in the United States, Russian isn't so forgiving at the moment. While this is an example of equal civil rights for all there will have to be a transition period before it is universally accepted. Hell it's still not 100% accepted in the States, just a majority see the obvious versus the myopic fear mongers beholden to ancient superstitions.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Here we are again?
So I needed something with a punch and was longer lasting than a toke or two. It was the size of little Hershey bar.. The old one that has the segments on it. It was smaaaall compared to the golf ball I had the other night...
I am not a witty person
I'm not nearly as well read as I think I should be.
I don't have a lot of poignant thoughts or sayings that will captivate nor enthrall you.
I've never read Shakespeare or Dickens or Bronte (why I said Bronte I have no idea and yes I referring to E Bronte..) or the Beat generation or any other host of classical authors. I was never a big reader though I did have my moments and books that I love to read.
And for some reason when I think about that at this very moment I feel overwhelmingly ecstatic/sad/happy... overflowing with emotions.
I'm finding that I don't know anything...and I'll still claim to not know anything even if I lived for a thousand years and attended university for that entire time as well.
What happened this past Friday... what was that trip?
Anywho... I'm chalking it up with my life experiences... and how I'm trying to get back on that bandwagon... that is living life.
I spent way too much time bitching and moaning about things not being how I want them... instead of making the best of the situation.
This is the hardest step... making a decision to make things better. Realizing that you and you alone have the power to change how you feel. You react to the world around you... while there are moments and people who have LEGIT chemical needs (SSRI's and the like), I'm also under the impression that these are a temporary thing. Then again I'm not a professional.... though I do know even the professionals don't know why things happen the way they do... they can just tell you that this is how we deal with x, y, & z.
I'm not against mental health professionals... we need them. Though I do feel that most medical professions that deal with the mental faculties don't have a 100% picture of who/what/why/where.
With that said... I restate what I believe.
Mental issues can be cured... they are not ALL 100% that is how you are for the rest of your life. It is a hard and long journey with more pitfalls than you can shake a swinging vine at. Yes that was a video game reference.
I'm not 100%, but I have made that turn so to speak. Well at least for me I like to think so. I don't have all the answers... I just have the answers that worked for me.
Aside from physical health, mental health is equally as important at being exercised. The question is how do I exercise my brain.
I don't have a lot of poignant thoughts or sayings that will captivate nor enthrall you.
I've never read Shakespeare or Dickens or Bronte (why I said Bronte I have no idea and yes I referring to E Bronte..) or the Beat generation or any other host of classical authors. I was never a big reader though I did have my moments and books that I love to read.
And for some reason when I think about that at this very moment I feel overwhelmingly ecstatic/sad/happy... overflowing with emotions.
I'm finding that I don't know anything...and I'll still claim to not know anything even if I lived for a thousand years and attended university for that entire time as well.
What happened this past Friday... what was that trip?
Anywho... I'm chalking it up with my life experiences... and how I'm trying to get back on that bandwagon... that is living life.
I spent way too much time bitching and moaning about things not being how I want them... instead of making the best of the situation.
This is the hardest step... making a decision to make things better. Realizing that you and you alone have the power to change how you feel. You react to the world around you... while there are moments and people who have LEGIT chemical needs (SSRI's and the like), I'm also under the impression that these are a temporary thing. Then again I'm not a professional.... though I do know even the professionals don't know why things happen the way they do... they can just tell you that this is how we deal with x, y, & z.
I'm not against mental health professionals... we need them. Though I do feel that most medical professions that deal with the mental faculties don't have a 100% picture of who/what/why/where.
With that said... I restate what I believe.
Mental issues can be cured... they are not ALL 100% that is how you are for the rest of your life. It is a hard and long journey with more pitfalls than you can shake a swinging vine at. Yes that was a video game reference.
I'm not 100%, but I have made that turn so to speak. Well at least for me I like to think so. I don't have all the answers... I just have the answers that worked for me.
Aside from physical health, mental health is equally as important at being exercised. The question is how do I exercise my brain.
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Now I'll be forever plagued...
So I'm reflecting on my little episode from Friday night.
Korovo Black Bar you are cruel mistress. Despite only taking a corner I then proceeded to have a very intense trip that felt like I was dying.
Though now I find myself intrigued about things even more... things being life and everything in it.
So at one point I knew I was in trouble. Then I was in bed feeling like life was ending the end of the world and it all stopped or was stopping. Feeling like I was being held by invisible forces, felt like it was hell and that I would be punished at some point soon, then I stopped freaking out.. for 0.0000000001 seconds.
At some weird moment I realized things were a bit too same or something like that. It was a conspiracy and Pam was one of the "controllers" and it was some Matrixy type of scenario.
Then again how do we not know this is not just some mind fuck... and I'm being serious. We know that everything is (matter) is filled with lots of empty space (perceived). Light is energy and had mass (and yes I know I'm all over the place)... ideas that this is just one giant hologram. DNA that is in us gets passed down from generation to generation. I'm babbling and I know it.. again these are all fragments of thoughts in my head.
The one I especially found to be interesting... We are repeating everything... this is a type of hell. It explains why things are so shitty. Some how we are imprisoned in these bodies and our true memories are being repressed by some other force. We are trapped... trapped for who knows how long. We are the reborn remnants of a time and civilization long forgotten. A civilization that sent things in motion as they are now. An endless cycle of life and death.
We existed before the Big Bang... in fact the universe before was completely known and the knowledge to set things in motion as it is now. Though that was then and who know how long ago that was. Who knows where we are on the the never ending cycle.
This idea has me more perplexed than anything else at the moment. The idea that we could be going through all of this again and again. Why not... it appears we are in a closed system all in it's own. What exists beyond the universe?
This is what has me going... if we are all part of a working living system. What is the larger part of that system?
Then the crazy ideas of all that follow that... what sucks.. is I know in my "altered state" I believed that we were being controlled... especially how our mind works. It's weird... really fucking weird.
On the other hand....
I don't have anything that I can really use as evidence or proof or whatever to maybe try and repeat it... as crazy as that sounds.
I think a lot of people who have similar experiences go to look and repeat it or try to gain further understanding...
Why not? It's not like we know and that's part of the experience of living isn't.... we don't know..
haha... at one point I had become convinced that I was given the ability to change reality.. and that I was some unique individual with special abilities or what not.
It was really interesting.. the scary part of feeling like I was dying.. the part of feeling like I was immortal.. the part of feeling like I was being "one with the universe"... conversely my brain does feel fried...
I'm guessing that's due to some overload or another.
hhmmmm.... the consciencenous??
Korovo Black Bar you are cruel mistress. Despite only taking a corner I then proceeded to have a very intense trip that felt like I was dying.
Though now I find myself intrigued about things even more... things being life and everything in it.
So at one point I knew I was in trouble. Then I was in bed feeling like life was ending the end of the world and it all stopped or was stopping. Feeling like I was being held by invisible forces, felt like it was hell and that I would be punished at some point soon, then I stopped freaking out.. for 0.0000000001 seconds.
At some weird moment I realized things were a bit too same or something like that. It was a conspiracy and Pam was one of the "controllers" and it was some Matrixy type of scenario.
Then again how do we not know this is not just some mind fuck... and I'm being serious. We know that everything is (matter) is filled with lots of empty space (perceived). Light is energy and had mass (and yes I know I'm all over the place)... ideas that this is just one giant hologram. DNA that is in us gets passed down from generation to generation. I'm babbling and I know it.. again these are all fragments of thoughts in my head.
The one I especially found to be interesting... We are repeating everything... this is a type of hell. It explains why things are so shitty. Some how we are imprisoned in these bodies and our true memories are being repressed by some other force. We are trapped... trapped for who knows how long. We are the reborn remnants of a time and civilization long forgotten. A civilization that sent things in motion as they are now. An endless cycle of life and death.
We existed before the Big Bang... in fact the universe before was completely known and the knowledge to set things in motion as it is now. Though that was then and who know how long ago that was. Who knows where we are on the the never ending cycle.
This idea has me more perplexed than anything else at the moment. The idea that we could be going through all of this again and again. Why not... it appears we are in a closed system all in it's own. What exists beyond the universe?
This is what has me going... if we are all part of a working living system. What is the larger part of that system?
Then the crazy ideas of all that follow that... what sucks.. is I know in my "altered state" I believed that we were being controlled... especially how our mind works. It's weird... really fucking weird.
On the other hand....
I don't have anything that I can really use as evidence or proof or whatever to maybe try and repeat it... as crazy as that sounds.
I think a lot of people who have similar experiences go to look and repeat it or try to gain further understanding...
Why not? It's not like we know and that's part of the experience of living isn't.... we don't know..
haha... at one point I had become convinced that I was given the ability to change reality.. and that I was some unique individual with special abilities or what not.
It was really interesting.. the scary part of feeling like I was dying.. the part of feeling like I was immortal.. the part of feeling like I was being "one with the universe"... conversely my brain does feel fried...
I'm guessing that's due to some overload or another.
hhmmmm.... the consciencenous??
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Down the rabbit hole....
Holy shit...
1000mg... that brownie is evil... the motherfucking brownie is evil.
I first knew I was in trouble when i went to the bathroom... that's when I knew it was going to be a bump ride.
The end of the world... it felt like it was the end of everything and it sucked... but was fucking awesome at the same time and damn was that weird as hell.
There was nothing at the end but ... but nothing.. it was all a huge chemical reaction.
1000mg... that brownie is evil... the motherfucking brownie is evil.
I first knew I was in trouble when i went to the bathroom... that's when I knew it was going to be a bump ride.
The end of the world... it felt like it was the end of everything and it sucked... but was fucking awesome at the same time and damn was that weird as hell.
There was nothing at the end but ... but nothing.. it was all a huge chemical reaction.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
ITEOTWAWKIAIFF
So apparently Russian is helping Syria out (Assad). and I was reminded of my former propaganda brainwashing of apocalyptic end times. Russia will be involved in the Middle East and then WW3... haha.
I find it humorous...that there actually may be a WW3... and the coincidence of the whole situation.Weird to see the rise of Russia again. This could very well be the start of a new Cold War also... hhumph... now this is interesting. If this is the case I could see a hell of a lot more countries being pulled in. Countries that would be first timers to the field... some that didn't have large standing armies 40+ years ago... cough CHINA cough.
African countries... South American... hell if extrapolate further it really could be a massive world war.. how many treaties have been sign since the end of WW2? New countries formed? The lines of 1945 have changed drastically. This could very well be the beginning of something new...
I need to sharpen my skills immensely and be quick about it. Then again.. I have way too many boys ready to be selected for somebody else' war.
I find it humorous...that there actually may be a WW3... and the coincidence of the whole situation.Weird to see the rise of Russia again. This could very well be the start of a new Cold War also... hhumph... now this is interesting. If this is the case I could see a hell of a lot more countries being pulled in. Countries that would be first timers to the field... some that didn't have large standing armies 40+ years ago... cough CHINA cough.
African countries... South American... hell if extrapolate further it really could be a massive world war.. how many treaties have been sign since the end of WW2? New countries formed? The lines of 1945 have changed drastically. This could very well be the beginning of something new...
I need to sharpen my skills immensely and be quick about it. Then again.. I have way too many boys ready to be selected for somebody else' war.
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