my thought pattern is disjointed and chaotic

For some reason the following popped in my head..

I was thinking of in a descriptive line, and came up with the following..

(

I looked outside to the street through my dirty bedroom window...

)

Realizing that this is a decent sentence, and also realizing that it seemed to me as something of a journey to get to. That at this moment in time I would be reflecting on my life as it pertains to this moment. How did a fuck up (practicing) like me get to that... How was I able to come up with that specific framing. As for all intents and porpoises...* As stated above... FUCK UP.

I've dabbled in a bit of everything and I think I've finally come to a point and time in my life that I realize that I need to be stoned to achieve things in meaningful way. My anxiety goes through the roof when I am not. Weed calms my brain.. case in point. I have discovered I have a higher level of creativity, in concepts and thoughts of numerous projects. Design ideas, art, music, philosophy, film, writing.  I need to learn about writing... 

But again . As I said. The one who continues to learn if self and the not self. Phil 101.. something is or is not... And is never another.

Story writing... That's the other to explore..