kind of nice

 so I've been thinking on this of late...

the difference of being kind vs nice or if there is one...

Nice from what I've gathered is being socially pleasant more or less..

Kindness seems to go beyond that but I get this impression that it is just semantics on the meaning of this word...

I guess... I'm hung up on this notion of love is stronger than hate or that it's harder to create vs destroy.

I'm trying to avoid the term intersectionality, as everything seems to be a situation of "it depends".

Creating is more difficult.. and as much as it pains me to use this I'm going to point to Paul.. (Romans 7:15)

now while this is talking of "spiritual struggles", I think in the context of the human condition it should apply.

I abhor religion, but as this seems to be a situation where he (Paul) is struggling with doing the "godly thing" vs "succumbing to the flesh". It does seem like this is one of those situations where one while they want to be kind or nice or "do the right thing", seems to be a struggle for humans. How often do we have in fictional stories and in human history of people failing to do the kind thing or nice thing..

not well

Noticing my anxiety is through the roof atm...

My general apathy and misanthropic attitude in general is a bit much as well..

Not depressed.. just on edge. Severely... Feeling very self destructive... Tired of wanting to try..

Focused on others bullshit.. plank/speck

I'm broke in regards to food as well atm.. what I do have I'm having to prep some what.. and not all that much wanting to.

Feeling like a nuclear bomb.. and I don't like it... 

my thought pattern is disjointed and chaotic

For some reason the following popped in my head..

I was thinking of in a descriptive line, and came up with the following..

(

I looked outside to the street through my dirty bedroom window...

)

Realizing that this is a decent sentence, and also realizing that it seemed to me as something of a journey to get to. That at this moment in time I would be reflecting on my life as it pertains to this moment. How did a fuck up (practicing) like me get to that... How was I able to come up with that specific framing. As for all intents and porpoises...* As stated above... FUCK UP.

I've dabbled in a bit of everything and I think I've finally come to a point and time in my life that I realize that I need to be stoned to achieve things in meaningful way. My anxiety goes through the roof when I am not. Weed calms my brain.. case in point. I have discovered I have a higher level of creativity, in concepts and thoughts of numerous projects. Design ideas, art, music, philosophy, film, writing.  I need to learn about writing... 

But again . As I said. The one who continues to learn if self and the not self. Phil 101.. something is or is not... And is never another.

Story writing... That's the other to explore.. 

illusions all around

More confirmation bias por favor

https://iai.tv/articles/why-stephen-hawking-gave-up-on-a-theory-of-everything-auid-2966?utm_source=instagram&utm_medium=feed

so yet again I come across another aspect of data that seems to indicate my theory about reality just being an illusion... Reality is a holodeck..

My problem is... Why do I care.. why does this drive me in some small way??

Weird ass morning... Feeling discombobulated and a bit grumpy... Trying to decide wether or not to club tonight... Can't dance due to muscle injury so why bother.. but I may end up going regardless... We shall see... I have a bottle of vinegar ethanol stewing atm... Headache in a bottle

unless you learn what drives the world

You'll be swimming in the miasma of the target demographic for a bit if and/or when you figure out you relation to the capitalist system through its various cogs and mechanisms to maximize profit in measurable qtrly projections..

quote idea

The wind does not take back it's voice once it's spoken...

scales

Using scales as a visual in regards to events of how one aquires information about subjects in respect to life here in earth.

With additional scales popping up under to further build up.. a start to a scales tesseract fractal.. turtles all the way down

fishesssss

And birds and snakes and aeroplanes..

Don't forget the fishes..

The dolphins did say thanks!

Need some other jingle nonsense rhythm bits..

movie production type

Movies are sci adventure.. not sci fi adventure..  we are based in possible science based theories..  everyone fails . Heroes are imaginary..

Reality is what you make it.. or is it??

movie title idea

Movie name - glitch.. funky spelled font

Some sort of familiar generic font in lower case... Zoom in.. zoom in.. zoom in.. instantaneous flash reversal glitch.. zoom innnnnn.. zoom out back to a mid shot font size relative to screen size.. slight fade in to normal light levels quickly.

The phrase to be used with the concept is a glitch in space-time.. physics based not sci fi per se, but the word alone should give some the impression that this is where we are going.. art wise..

Bio catastrophe it's some multi prong front... With humanity's inability to curb their greed and hubris brought forth the calamities of all calamities upon itself in 2036. Dating back as far as the early 1900s and some scholars would say even earlier that the burning of fossil fuels would release harmful gases as well. 

Covid was just the beginning, the bird flew finally mutated into something homosapien compatible... 1918 times 4.

The post bird flu devastation disrupted so much of the capitalistic supply lines and other cogs of the global enslavement to its neverending hunger in the planet and humanity.. the nightmare was changing.

Addendum.. goes following.. black glitch.. us the name that is made popular but it's a play in words as over generations and societal changes the original name gets distorted. Black lich it's an ancient boogey man if any non westernized what some poor sailors grandfather overheard while serving aboard a merchant vessel during Covid. Mostly from the ports along the equatorial Southern hemisphere side trade routes... The northern ones were unaware.

Black lich is the westernized Word for whatever combo I can find that basically says black lich in a foreign language. It's a curse.. from days long ago when people thought different than they do today.

A curse of love between those with the power and those without...

A curse that was true to its name.. curse

In the request the price was love had to choose between the one with the power who in all honesty wanted absolutely nothing with them and had already made plans to sabotage the whole thing just to enslave in a curse the ability for the black lich to remove any memory of your true love about t

the seed who becomes the gardner

Analogy

How we are who we are based on nature/ nurture.. etc..

life's what you make it

Talk Talk brings to mind things that I struggle with and a phrase that seems to always be on my mind...

What do I do.. why do it.. what am I gonna do while I'm here..

overcome and strength

It's hard to let go of those things that bring good memories and it even more difficult to see when we may be blindly guided by "good intentions" only for the sake of our own nostalgia circle jerk...

Scrolling through my emails and I see a Steam alert for the Gold Box edition of the SSI AD&D games Forgotten Realms based. 

And how I cut my teeth on some of those, never had the patient nor opportunity to finish most. Fuck, what was at first a spark became a raging fire. My flavor of audhd... To thrive in a structured environment.. but also not want to be told what to do.. fuck that last job I had. Anywho.. thinking on how I would love to play again... But I just don't have the time.. I'd get sucked in... Though I do want to make a series of modules.. from bizarro to fantastical... One piece.. journey to the west... Odysseus.. other myths and legends hero stories retold...

Now I'm wondering if there are resources to look up on social customs by period sort of cliff notes.. how humanity has "evolved" and analysis... Corresponding examples globally by time period.

But good thing for titles... I'm thinking about this illusory world we live in and why it's fucking bizzaro bonkers... 

Overcoming this things that anchor us to a past, preventing us from moving forward. You are the only one capable of executing change, and it takes time... Time.. TIME... And effort.. EFFORT.. your physical, mental, and whole hearted effort towards implementing a change plan that works for yourself. Conversely I do believe that this world is in a determinist state, that we are one giant programs... Brains in a vat. Go Google that phrase.. then watch the Matrix.. then go read up on Descartes.. then more philosophy.. start at the beginning.. where do I start.. always at the beginning. There is no easy path, and you will fall and stumble like a drunken baby trying to walk... In case you don't know.. babys already walk terribly... A drunk baby would be worse. Tell em to Uber next time.

Overcoming a fixed idea in ones mind, to change their point of view takes time and effort. Though seeing what I have read and watched and heard and listened and my own personal experience in the realm mental health. It happens at a glacial pace and the wheels in motion set forth before my birth have pre determined that I have a arrived at this state of mind on this date. Not 5 years later or 10 years before, but at this point in space-time. We are composed of electrons and atoms and particles. But me getting excited doesn't seem to explain a damn thing now does it.

Strength is humility.. humility is strength.

Accepting one is completely and totally ignorant. What one generations knows another learns slightly different and so in over time through evolutionary social changes... Change is a constant and there were players in the game long before you arrived in scene and if you think for one second you are allowed a seat at the table hat "rules the world" the prevailing financial and economice governments and individuals that are more referred to as the bourgeois. The owners that through geopolitical and financial interests plot and scheme to maintain their said dominance of whatever market share they collectively own via legal and illegal and down right despicable means to maintain market share.

Governments owned via corporations and the scum of the earth sellouts that support them that maintain this farce of a reality for any supposed democratic or for the most part any country in this planet under the supply chains of capitalism. Africa is enslaved and if you HAVE to work.. that means you are as well.

Before you dumbasses comment.. but how dis git dun?? Work is a right and a fundamental one, everyone who is able and capable, will need to work. How else are we going to get what is required to maintain a functioning society that can grow and thrive? But this industrial capitalist methods are going the way of the dodo.. first a end to all overseas military presences... The US ends being the world police which is nothing more than state sanctioned thuggery to enforce countries into economic servitude at their own detriment.

Humans are really easily beguiled.

need to find a good cheap coffee..

Something good hot or cold.. maybe espresso..more moka pot..

thinking of my jalapeno bacon wrapped I can use green onion as a barrier to keep the bacon from sticking to the other jalapeno skewers.. I have..

Thinking on how I want to do the jalapenos.... Cream cheese w cotija as the stuffing..

But I could omit the wrapping part and fry it up and add it to the stuffing crumbled up and add shrimp and / or chicken.. but am now thinking how to incorporate that canned pineapple I have..

What if I cooked it down to intensive the juices... Make a caramel like sauce for the top oohh let's try that...

another illusion example

Language.. more words does always mean better and less words is typically sufficient.. so there is a sweet spot on that scale.. like maybe a specific frequency of words is optimal...

We fail to understand that when there is a clarity needed in a word it requires group effort not just ones personal interpretation... And then we get frustrated with a change in terms.. because it goes against our known that we apparently feel is 100 percent correct when so so far is this stance.. this belief.. this opinion.. this understanding which is no understanding of the bigger picture as a whole...

not an island

Humbling oneself knowing that it does take a village to raise the child. That as parents you have obligations to the well being of the life brought forth and that no one person has all the knowledge let alone the full picture and any give subject or skill that even they may be deemed an expert.  

Knowing that you solely do not have any innate knowledge aside from the evolutionary instincts and biological physiology you currently possess in this current space-time of biology of a 21st cty human. That in and of itself is less than a drop in the cosmic space-time totality of existence. Disassociating oneself from reality takes time and practice that I think in some ways it's only thanks to the drogas.. that I am to achieve.. but that could also be a confirmation bias.. plus other llusory sense experiences or ISE. 

Your eyes can deceive you, don't trust them... - Doggie Ben Doggie

the bear

Great show.. s3e7 playing Cocteau Twins..

But was a great show prior to that..

further down this path

We've been hoodwinked, bamboozled, and hornswoggled for generations by leaders who are nothing but liars, murders, and thieves hellbent on pillaging and raping anything and everything on this planet. Yet you're too busy, you can't be bothered and you don't know...